Taedelan's Tales

magical girl shows are good because their attacks will be something like "super love sunshine friendship beam" but make no mistake, super love sunshine friendship beam WILL end you. super love sunshine friendship beam will leave a crater in the ground where you once stood. you cannot understimate the power of super love sunshine friendship beam.

You gotta be really publicly passionate about things if you want your friends to text you. Bc people will forget to text you because they’re human. But if you’re really openly the friend who loves identifying ants your friends will think of you when they see ants. And they’ll text you “what ant is this [blurry photo]”. And then they’ll ask you how you’ve been and we should get coffee sometime. But if they don’t know what you love they’ll never know what you like

And then when the ant convention is in town they’ll be like dude… we should go to the ant convention. But they would never think to go if they didn’t know u loved ants

And sometimes you need to ask them to go to the ant convention. But you Will not get anywhere hiding your passions

hi. i’m the guy who all that blood belongs to. yeah in all the pictures of anime girls and cool ocs holding knives. it’s mine. i don’t donate it or anything. they just kill me again and again. because someone’s gotta but that’s not the part people really wanna see. it’s okay though. it’s a living

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

soft reminder: good nothingness should be felt more. listening to music on a long car ride. noticing flowers blooming. listening to the rain. daydreaming about impossible things. seeing beauty everywhere and feeling love in your chest. life can be overwhelming sometimes. let yourself simply be alive.

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

screw bedtime 😈😈 tonight we are staying up until 9pm

I’m sorry my lovelies but the reason you hate yourself is because you treat you like shit. If you came up to me and then told me I was a fuck up who could never do anything right I'd fucking hate you too.

if you didn't let me go to bed until after midnight because you'd rather watch Netflix than let me rest, and then got mad at me for not being productive the next day I'd be PISSED

you have the power to be his friend

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

rips open my "I 💖 MY WIFE" shirt to reveal a second identical "I 💖 MY WIFE"" shirt underneath

Warcraft Heritage Post

as much as I enjoy recreationally hating on Agamemnon I gotta say. If the gods made me sacrifice my daughter over a war I’m not coming back empty handed. I’m taking everything that isn’t nailed down. I’m taking a hammer and ripping out the nails to get what was nailed down. My child died for this I refuse to allow that to be in vain in any possible way, we going full scorched earth boys.

i will not accept an unhappy ending, which is why i refuse to stay dead