just need a drink. or a cigarette. or perhaps even a sledgehammer to the back of the head

He needs mouse bites to live

@pangur-and-grim

Today I encountered an especially pathetic Italian greyhound. His owner told me that a gust of wind once blew him into a lake.

unclear. adj. of or pertaining to an uncle

I'm literally Stressica 🥲

oh ew is that really what i sowed? eww omigod i am NOT reaping that

official boob post

i havenever been depressed once in mylife

ever since i learned that the flap of a butterfly’s wing could cause a hurricane on the other side of the earth, ive been doing nothing but nursing rare and endangered species of butterflies back to health. fuck the other side of the earth

there are literally worse things than being in a saw trap like for instance openly expressing that you have wants and needs and are a real person

Dentist confessional. Like, forgive me doctor for I have sinned. I have partaken of the wine. Not only that, but the coffee and the tea. I consume carbonated beverages regularly. I eat sweets such as saltwater taffy and caramels. On the weekend, if I sleep in, I only brush my teeth at night. And then the dentist is like, "and are you flossing, my child?" and they just have to look away

Fuck yes i just responded like a normal human