the very worst, like no one ever was

sometimes i'm like yay i love being a sick pervert hooray and then somehow from four circles of mutuals away i see the victor wembanyama of freakdom shooting threes and i realize im not there at all im not even on a college team im playing a pick up game at the y on a weekday

Did you hear a new love language just dropped? yeah its crazy. Its called just fuckin biting them.

reblogging this but shaking my head the whole time to show i don't believe in love languages

I don't want to be immortal but I do want to live to be like 200-500. I accept I can't have everything I want but I'm nosy as hell and I wish I could know how everything turns out

I could read so many books with a vampire lifespan and I wouldn't take over the world at all. I'd be nice

You have to bully her into starting estrogen.

Don’t forget to passive-aggressively send this to the girl you know who keeps avoiding the endocrinologist

anyway, you have to crush up estrogen and put it in her food if she won’t do it herself.

If that doesn’t work you can just lock her in the basement. If you don’t have a basement, a closet is acceptable

put her under and bolt some tits to her too

This post has made several people very mad so I would like to reiterate: it is always moral to violate consent in the pursuit of creating more women from sad, lonely men.

'don't worry, honey. i'll keep the home fires burning' gideon is genuinely pyrrha's daughter thats PYRRHA'S dna .

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

domming is great until you hit a decision fatigue wall likeeeeee i think youre a fucking grownup and you can decide whether to cum or not on your own. be proactive for once

disturbing amount of people being like “you’re a bad domme you don’t deserve to domme” girl ur a bad comedy audience you don’t deserve to heckle get outta here

do you really think im in the middle of sex going “actually you know what? figure it out for yourself.”