Random Reading-Writing Blog

Julien has SO MUCH PRIDE and he is SO FUCKING STUPID (Int 11 Wis 8). This kid cannot figure things out on his own, and he would NEVER admit that to anyone. I don’t think he thinks he’s smart. I think he knows he has a lot of trouble understanding things, and being told or shown that hurts his feelings and makes him pissy and rude and impossible to deal with.

So when Aranessa was trying to figure out why the people were missing but the carts were still there and not unloaded, she goes “Let’s play a game,” and Julien locks in and starts trying to apply his limited and abysmal critical thinking skills.

That doesn’t seem like an in-the-moment action. That seems like a practiced thing that Aranessa has had to do a LOT. This kid, who grew up following her around but could not understand things happening around him and would get defensive or wander off if she explained anything directly. So she made it a game.

A game is something you can apply yourself to, but it has very low stakes. A game, if played honorably, can be won or lost without harm to your reputation (Raymond seems like someone who would have tried not to raise a sore loser, at least in terms of a fair contest). So sure, of course, anything for My Lady, let’s play a game.

My nine-year-old neighbor: *crashes mom’s car into my yard*

the inherent underlying question for the both of them of "what if I was yours to begin with?" in the face of a sense of belonging they had lacked from an early age that they still feel.

And as the horrors begin to pile on, another question is brought on. They are changing, both of them, and a question is born.

"Would you still love me, if I was yours, if I changed as I am doing now?

I don't know if you could love my change without me being yours."

Meeting an old friend

i think the reason that a lot of diaspora minoritized folk like myself are drawn to orcs in general is because the orc as the social construct is the greatest macrocosm of how barbarism justifies violence against minorities. the orc in fantasy is something inherently evil, uncivilized, tribal, warlike and stupid, and the mechanics of fantasy ttrpgs encode this racial messaging into hard mechanics and make racist ideology mechanical and biological reality. And something that I think that a lot of progressive game masters have always struggled with, even in critical role's first campaign setting, is trying to reconcile the inherent racist text of what orcs represent while also toeing around that inherently unfair mechanical reality that's been enforced over decades of orc tribes being racist shorthand for fodder your good-aligned party is allowed to kill.

and if you're an ethnic minority anywhere, you know this narrative very intimately, because it's the same textbook being used to justify your suffering, day in and day out. and if you're a brown person at a dnd table, especially surrounded by white people, you feel it constantly. if you don't have friends that are willing to listen to you, you have to sit there with the constant reminder that while they accept you, and while they might accept the half-orc you play, the full orcs and the goblins and the kobolds are allowed to get killed without question. because they're savages, and it wasn't like they were up to any good anyways, right? it's escapist fantasy for all the white people at the table, and the only way you can escape with them is to leave your identity, the way you were raised, and the people you love at the door, and pretend you're nothing like them.

i think a lot of misguided attempts to humanize orcs make them goofy and noble, ultimately reinforcing that implied reality that orcs are still ultimately tribal and stupid compared to other fantasy species, just not worthy of death because of it. to the white liberal writer and audience, this is generally enough, and i think is where we get stuff in the vein of "humans are space orcs" and such. but, the underlying subtext is still that orcs are the best at being brutes, lovably stupid, best in slot to become a barbarian and probably not worth dedicating the stats to pursuing magic. they are still simpler and lesser than their peers.

but I think what REALLY gives araman's depiction of orcs a lot of teeth is that they don't just stop at making orcs noble, or just like humans, and don't try to paint over the narrative that has haunted what orcs represent to the average tabletop player's fantasy of justified, senseless violence against a mindless foe. instead of trying to soften this reality, araman's worldbuilding really interrogates it. it takes the oldest story that justifies why the orcs are mindless savages that are safe to kill, the tale of the evil god-king who forces them to mindlessly do their bidding, and then asks why you accept the reality that god presented, then asks who benefits from that reality, then answers with why they had to lead the path to saving themselves and those around them. and in doing so, orcs arrive in the present with an extremely rich and complicated culture that arises out of this kind of survival, a survival that is not useful to new powers that be like the candescent creed.

i really like that not a single player character is a barbarian in this context, but ESPECIALLY our two orc main characters. hal is a well educated bard and playwright. thaisha is a potent and formidable druid, in a world where the cycle of life and death is a study and not the fancy of noble savages. and more crucially, they're not conditionally allowed into the party as half orcs, they are driving forces of their communities as extremely intelligent (and messy!) full orcs, and look it says a lot about how low the bar is in dnd spaces for that to feel like a big deal but it is!

I am so obsessed by how theyre two sides of the same coin. They were both effectively molded into being sacrifices for their family.

Occtis was the thrown away, forgotten scraps from a feast. He was the fruit cake on the table, served on a plate but not really wanted by anyone. Then he started to mold and Primus went, "well, better clean that up." Then, well, you know... Despite being thrown to the proverbial disposal, this moldy little fruitcake became the fungus that sprouted from its body. Occtis continues to persist, albeit forever transformed. Now, he's clogging up their kitchen pipes, making a mess.

Wicander was a carefully cultivated vine. They sheltered him and spoonfed him this belief in hopes that by creating a True Believer, they could have a face that would bear further fruit for the family. People respond to honesty and Wicander honestly believes. Except... Wicander honestly believes. So all the fertilizer that they fed him, all the bullshit they turned into manure, Wic then turned into fresh, ripe fruit that was not to their tastes. Wic was supposed to be out there, poisoning the masses not attempting to convert his family.

Coffee shop AUs are, like... fine. They're not my thing, but they're hardly going to end the world. We don't need to have a moral panic about people enjoying coffee shop AUs. I'm also not about to come for anyone seeking escapism in the current hellscape.

However, I do think it's interesting to examine the tendency within these AUs to project a sort of idyll onto the coffee shop: here is a whimsical place where you can spend time with your friends and potentially meet your true love; here is a world where the greatest dilemma you may face is choosing the right coffee syrup for a new beverage or sneaking your number onto that to-go cup without being obvious.

The fantasy of the coffee shop AU is divorced almost entirely from the reality of an actual coffee shop. There are no abusive, creepy customers or bosses; there is no mention of the barista's wages; we don't see the dishwasher sweating at their station, the cashiers' aching feet; the person whose job it is to clean the (customer-only?) toilets. These topics are Political and Depressing and Must Be Avoided, because Political and Depressing things are antithetical to this kind of escapism.

The coffee shop AU exists, not in a world without capitalism (because this is a setting where commerce is actively happening) but in a world where capitalism has no teeth: a world where capitalism somehow works. In order to be convinced and soothed by this fantasy, you must suspend your disbelief and avert your eyes. You must filter the coffee shop through a neopastoralist lens.