Tess A Mess

I am starting to realize y'all cannot like character who have bad habits or do shitty things without trying to rationalize and downplay their bad actions...

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression

Sometimes I forget people aren't multishippers then I see someone talking about how they used to ship something then got a new ship and I'm like what do you mean you aren't just collecting ships like cool rocks you see on the ground

#all of this really tracks #it's like a different version of wearing a mask #not the kind he uses to put on a performance for others as needed#but the intent of something like a masquerade or grand carnival#'A man in a mask will show who he really is'#the fact that there ISN'T as much history and desperation in the relationships he makes one-off with people he barely knows#but can still call allies is the very thing that makes them feel 'safer' in his mind; there's a sort of anonymity to the dynamic#which helps him actually divulge bits of his muzzled real self to them in a way he's spent YEARS avoiding with his closest* friends#which is itself an incredibly cruel irony--he's mentally programmed to constantly be in performance mode with EVERYONE he knows#friends and family and allies and villains#the only times we've seen him crack and show 'real' Azune was in his meltdowns with Hal and Murray; when the pressure point was reached#after what we can assume comes at the tail end of over a decade's worth of keeping himself nailed down and locked in for the Cause#and both times. both times. there's a gentle but impossible to ignore slapping of his hands away from such outbursts#Azune confesses that his part of the plan was a suicide end? Hal smiles. Pats his shoulder. 'We don't get to choose. Do better tomorrow.'#Azune breaks down over hating the roles he's playing and his fear that he'll fuck everything up without full evidence for Einfasen?#Murray sells him an ice cream party (if you don't die about it! you're So Good at this! Do Not Look at My Pet Student) and some BS poetry#about his pretty innocent sunset eyes don't worry about it you're such a good villain's pet buddy (lock in and fuck off)#Hal and Murray being THE people he's closest to in the whole city because (surprise!) Thimble was so glued to Thjazi she never even learned#where Azune fucking lived after a decade in the city#Mara the Wing recognized Occtis and Thaisha but didn't have any clue who Azune was#Flashback Thjazi straight up blanked on the fact that Azune was 16 whole years old in the city when he commented about the 20-year-old who#hanged was 'too young' to have been in the Falconer's Rebellion#Teor didn't even have a last thought to spare for Azune when he fell; Thimble and Kattigan rated. Wic got a boon. JULIEN got a last thought#Thaisha's been the only one we've seen yet who 1) Exists in Azune's friend/family zone and 2) Results in Azune actually relaxing with#he melts into her in a way that he hasn't done with anybody else#bar Vaelus who he shares connection and a miracle with (known for a day)#bar Bolaire (a fellow useful thing whose testimony about Thjazi knocked over the first mental domino about his relationship with him)#Azune loves hard and loves deeply and devotedly and the sad reflex of that is him donning a performance#to try and win/earn the regard of the people he desperately cares about for fear of being discarded by them#...only to have that discarding/forgetting/disregarding happen anyway

LET ME WORM AMONG THE STARS

now that cr is on a break watch private nightmares 🫵 

“go early, it’s hard to find parking” you want public transit. “don’t go on weekends, traffic is terrible” you want public transit. “once i parked i had to walk half a mile to the entrance” you want public transit. “it took me an hour to get out of the area after the concert” you want public transit. “ugh somebody needs to DD” you want public transit. “can you drive? my car won’t start” you want public transit. you want public transit. you want public transit. you want public transit.

"my car broke down and now i have to pay 5k i dont have to get it fixed" you want public transport. "there are so many shit drivers on the road" you want public transport. "i get nauseous in cars" you want public transport. "i'd love to chat with my friends instead of having to focus on the road when we go somewhere" you want public transport. "i hate potholes" you want public transport. "my grandma has to pay 50$ for a shopping trip because she can't drive and needs to use uber" you want public transport. "i don't like my daughter/sister/etc getting in some random dude's car to get home, it feels unsafe" you want public transport. "I want to have a stronger sense of community and know who lives in my area" you want public transport.