Sweet's Journal

Her head was sun warmed

when I pressed my lips to it

one last time.

There's not much more

to say than that;

Except that I hope her fur

is sunwarmed,

wherever she is now

That her hips don't hurt,

that her bark is heard;

Louder than before

May there be no fireworks,

No thunderstorms,

Only fields where the grass is warm.

I want to hold her head

Between my hands.

I want to tell her

That I love her

It's my dream to be a writer and for people to love the stories I create just as much as I do. I don't know how to go about promoting stories that aren't even out of the rough drafting process, and I'm terrified on where to go once rough drafting is done

I would like some community feedback. I am, personally, a blonde little white girl. Gasp!!

Many of my characters, however, are not. Double gasp!!

When it comes to the point of having to describe what my characters look like, I'm very... Avoidant. Wow, can I throw out "pale" and "tan" and "tawny" and "dark"!!! My favorite categories of people. Don't worry they also have, "golden" or "dark" curls. Occasionally it's "pale" or "inky" strands. I need more... descriptors in general, but I'm kinda fine just portraying my figures in broad strokes and letting the reader fill in the rest

The issue comes when I'm trying to imply a racial and ethic placement. Those things are rarely relevant, so far, in any of my plots, but they remain relevant in character description. I do my best to research stereotypes to avoid and follow guides that seem okay. But I wanna throw out the question and see what people have to say and what advice you all have

My biggest issue right now is how to make it clear that a character is asian without saying the basic and probably not great "almond eye" thing, especially since I don't even describe eye shapes most of the time. Maybe I should, idk, I don't design the characters

One of them dyes his hair blonde and he's fairly tanned, but he is supposed to be Chinese. However this is set in future America and he doesn't have a family, so it's literally just relevant for appearance reasons. The biggest indicator I have for him is his last name, but that doesn't even come up until much later

But this question goes out to literally every demographic of people and of whoever might see this post.

What are descriptors for your racial/ethnic identity that other writers should avoid using, and what words should we be using instead?

I just finished reading a book that I really enjoyed, but found lacking. The writing was very high quality and easy to get through. The pacing was well done and the finer details in regards to world building and politics.

And yet, it felt too short.

The last time I wrote writing tips, it was inspired by a series that sacrificed plot for characters. Meaning the author had their Blorbos and it was very clear. But I got through the books that I did because I was intrigued by the plot they were setting up nonetheless.

In great contrast of plot getting sacrificed for characters and blorbos, this latest book seemed to sacrifice characters for world building and plot.

It was meant to be a love story amidst war and political turmoil. Yet I did not find myself caring about the love story. So many of the character relationships developed over a timelapse or had zero strain put on them. Everyone just ...got along and communicated well when it mattered. And hey, I'm all here for abandoning the miscommunication trope and having the center couple be strong and enduring. But also within their families and their limited friendships and allies. But it didn't feel like there were any stakes.

Alas, this post is not meant to be a book critique (although I have a few!!). This post is meant to answer the question; how do I make already likeable characters compelling?

Listen, I liked the characters and relationships just fine. But I wasn't truly invested. Why not?

Well, who are they?

The characters, I mean.

I don't just mean what do they like and fear, although I mean that too. But have you ever been put to the task of describing someone dear to you, and find yourself using the same five adjectives that everyone uses for their loved ones?

"Oh well they're smart and kind and loyal and thoughtful and funny."

Well done; two of those words are synonyms and anything else you could think to say are synonyms of the rest of the word. It doesn't feel so special, does it?

That's because everyone is unique and different and we don't have enough words or context to accurately describe each individual person and how everyone they know sees them.

When you say that Sofia is kind, what you really mean is "Sofia is someone who buys me an orange when she's at the store. Sofia is someone who sits with me while I sob after a breakup. Sofia is someone who makes me laugh with jokes that are teasing, but not mean. Sofia is someone I ride my bike with. Sofia is someone I associate with the sky and who once caught me before I fell face-first into a river then laughed at me."

But when her mother says Sofia is kind, what she means is, "When Sofia was three, she once walked in on me crying over an argument with a friend and hugged me even though she didn't understand what was happening. Sofia is someone who watched The Fox and the Hound and came to me, crying and begging that I fix it. Sofia is someone who put bandaids on her little brother when he fell. She feeds and walks her dog every day without complaint. She used to fall asleep in tears over school work that seemed to evade her, then came out the next morning with a smile."

Because people are made up of experiences, not limited words and labels. In order for me to truly know a character, I need to understand what they've experienced to make them who they are.

Who do they know?

Okay, so I know your character now. Why does it matter if they die?

In the book I'm mostly talking about, one of the main characters is a prince and he's loved by his kingdom. Great. He has zero friends.

This is because he's shy and socially anxious, which is a main point of the book. But then there's almost zero elaboration in the people he is close to, such as his own family. We pretty much never see him interact with his own father. So when we hear that he gets injured later in the book, I didn't really care. The only stake I felt was "oh no, this anxious prince might be about to take over his kingdom in the middle of a war."

THAT, I felt the stakes for. That's what I cared about.

And I bought that the main couple loved each other. I just didn't care.

Like I said earlier, that relationship was developed mostly over timelapse and letters, which we didn't get to see most of. We never saw the main couple open up and be vulnerable with each other, we never saw them truly learn something new. We barely saw the romantic tension since it was overshadowed by a war plot. The few moments we did get were sweet and nice, but for something that's meant to be half a love story ...

This delves into what I was saying earlier about experiences. This book has a bit of an issue with zooming out and flipping through the story to move it along. I was impressed with the pacing despite this, but it left the story feeling too short and with very low stakes because we never slowed down to watch something build (Part of that with plot device of prophecy that the story has, but I digress.)

And it's important for your character to have, or to have once had, close personal relationships. We learn to love and care for a character through the characters who love and care for them. If they come across as someone inconsequential to those closest to them, the emotions can become detached and they'll feel more like an object going through the plot than a character moving around.

Part of this is done by putting actual strain on their relationship. Have them argue, have them disagree. Have the prince love his parents, but feel pressured by them to be perfect for their people. Have this prince be close to his sister, but let them be a little envious of the other-- her that he gets to be king and he that she never has to worry about the responsibility. Let the other main character get into a fight with one of his brothers about his relationship. Give him some close friends who see it as superfluous and see the prince as detached and uncaring.

Relationships with no obstacles are boring. They can overcome those obstacles but still.

All of this is especially important in a war story. People died. Lots of them. But we barely see it zoomed in. If i barely even care about the main characters, then why would I care about the background characters dying? It kinda just feels like playing with ragdolls. None of it actually matters.

So how do you make likeable characters compelling?

To sum it all up;

1) Tell me who they are through what they've experienced. Pick about three traits you think best defines your character and create scenes and memories that explain them without telling them. This includes flaws too.

2) Zoom in on relationships. Similar to the note on experiences, having relationships ties them to the community and world around them. It solidifies them as someone worth loving and worrying about rather than a vessel for the plot to flow through.

3) Throw obstacles at them and their relationships. Sun would mean nothing without rain. Light would be nothing without dark. Love would be mundane without hate. Making a character struggle makes their triumph all the sweeter. And I mean give them organic struggles. So many of the main couple's (two) issues were external or manufactured and were resolved pretty easily without much stress around them. That feels unreal and fake. So why would I care?

To be clear, I did enjoy the book, the writing, and the characters. I'm gald I got it so that, at the very least, I can keep an eye on author as they possibly grow and develop. It was just....to short. The author didn't give themself enough time to truly delve into their story the way it deserved and the way that I wanted it to. It was one 300-400 page book. I would have HAPPILY read three 600 page editions of that story and writing style. It's so hard to find a genuine queer fantasy that doesn't feel modern and campy of overly focused on the queer aspect.

I would actually recommend the book if anyone wants it. But these are just some, hopefully helpful, notes on character development that it made me think of because I wanted MORE of that story. And yes, I would excitedly read a sequel.

Who loves to sleep.

Not under my bed, but in my sheets

A little monster, just for me

Then the morning light shines in

The dove sings its mournful song.

And like a child who can't count to three,

I forget about the little dragon in my sheets

It doesn't move, it sleeps all day

Occasionally it likes to play

My heart's the ball it bats around.

With a thump, thump, thumping sound

It never truly goes away,

Only enough for me to eat.

Waiting for another treat,

1) Where the Sky Fell- Historical Inspired Fantasy

Percival

Olivia

Arthur

Rosemary

Maybelle

Annabelle

2) Poppy- Sci-fi (future Earth and space travel/aliens)

Vice

Nova

Pierce

Poppy (hehe)

Rose

Aliyah

That once I have a nice warm lover

I have to remember where you are

And you chose him first

I wonder if you always will

And, yes,

I suppose you're supposed to

No matter the 3-year promise

Isn't it so easy to place someone higher than me?

I just wish, I guess

That I were the one

That you were meant to choose

First

It's, admittedly, a bit out of character, but he's never physically been somewhere cold before and has only known seasonal allergies. Let smart characters have Idiot moments!! (That don't involve being socially awkward)

Also I don't know why I spelled Arthur like that, I went through a phase where I forgot how to spell it I'm sorry

Frostbite

"Aurther?" He calls, his cheeks red from the crisp air that he's unaccustomed to.

"Hm? Yes?" Said man, looking more comfortable, though still cold, turns his attention to Percival, "What is it?"

Percival watches the ground, pebbles moving past his furlined boots as he tries to gather the words. "Lord Aurther...when did you fall in love with Lady Rosemary?"

"When did I -? What's brought this on?" He asks, taken aback by the sudden question.

Percival shrugs, tugging at the long warm sleeves on his coat. "I don't know. It's unimportant, I apologize."

"No no, it's alright. I don't mind, I just didn't expect such a question from you. Well, I suppose it was about two months after I moved to Vindborne. We became good friends and I knew I had to have her. Why?"

"You fell in love with her before you married her?"

"I did. Have you not?"

"No- I mean, no, I have. Of course I have. I love Maybelle, how could I not?"

"Okay."

And they continue walking, going to talk to people and buy some potatoes, like they promised the girls left at home.

"How many potatoes do we need?" Aurther asks, watching the large selection.

Percival, picking up a russet potato, thinks, then speaks, "One for each person."

"Right." Aurther selects ten.

"Are there ten people eating?"

"Give or take."

"Alright, then."

They pay for the veggies and leave, just in time to see the first falling snow flakes. Percival stops, staring at the snowflakes as they dance to the ground. Everso tenderly, he reaches his hand out, ungloved and the finger tips red as he resists the urge to shiver. One lands on his hand, bigger than the others and he watches it remain on his hand. It stays there as he observes it, then melts into a liquid he can barley feel. He watches the tiny puddle, then rubs his hands together, attempting to bury them in his sleeves, but it's tailored exactly to his size, so he can't.

"Forgive me for stating the obvious, but perhaps you should have worn gloves?" Aurther says, his voice giving away the amusement behind the chiding words.

"Ah- yes, perhaps. I knew it gets colder in the northwest, I just hadn't realized how cold. I imagined snow to feel like a petal from a tree blossom."

"Oh, that's right. You've never seen snow before, you've never had to wear more than a light sweater."

Percival smiles awkwardly, rubbing his hands warm to distract himself. "The way you say it makes it sound shameful. No, I haven't, my family isn't much into traveling."

"Oh, no, don't take shame in it. I just hadn't truly realized how unaccustomed you'd be to this climate, I should have tried more to advise you to dress warmly. We should get home soon, now, however."

"Yes, yes, we should."

Percival keeps playing with his hands, which are now more red than he's ever been before.

"Uh...Lord Aurther?"

"Yes, Percival?" Aurther feels strangely giddy at each opportunity for that name to roll off of his tounge and hang in the air around him. It feels so right, it's almost inappropriate.

"Is it normal for my hands to be so...um...colored? They're pink, and itchy." At his words, he recognizes the similarity to the effects of poison ivy back in Vindborne. "Am I allergic to the cold? That would be an issue, wouldn't it?"

Aurther looks at him and laughs. Before he can recognize the bad idea, he's holding Percival's right hand in both of his gloved ones. He can't help but find his conclusion endearing, but also wishing to warm him up and sweep away his worries. "No, you're not allergic to the cold. This is normal, if you're not covered properly, the itching is just your body trying to preserve its heat, we all get red in the cold. It's your blood rushing to those areas to regulate the temperature. You're fine. But, here." Aurther, to his regret, drops Percival's hand to tug off his black gloves and doesn't ask for permission when he places them over Percival's hands.

Percival, who hasn't spoken since the moment their hands met, simply pushes out a flustered 'thank you.' He feels his face get warmer, but he supposes that that's the energy that was going towards keeping his hands warm turning its attention to the only other exposed area left. He feels significantly less fridid.

Aurther, on his part, feels the air around them get warmer. He assumes that it's an illusion from the feeling that he knows is crawling under his skin.

"Percival?" Aurther says, just before they reach the entrance to his mother's house.

"Yes?"

"About your question from earlier?"

"Oh...," Percival shifts uncomfortably. "Yes?"

"Do you not love her?"

Percival looks around, avoiding where Aurther is standing.

"I... I'm unsure. I think I do."

"That may be something you want to figure out."

"Maybe."

Aurther can't help but hope that the answer is no. Please don't let him be in love with the girl he plans to marry. It's an empty, selfish, hope, yet it pounds at him.

"It's okay if you don't." Is it really? Is it okay to promise a girl marriage if you don't love her? He and Rosemary are a special case, but who's to say if Percival and Maybelle are the same?

"Is it?"

"Yes. Though, it'd be right if you told her so."

"Perhaps."

In the darkness with no one around

The words jumped off my tongue,

Escaped my mouth

An echoing, deafening sound

What words I speak,

With no one to see

Exactly what I mean.

Words of fear and love and loneliness

Disappeared into the nothing.

And does the nothing love the substance,

Of a young girl's heart?

Does the silence hear the desperation,

In a young girl's voice?

If I reached out my hand, and listened to the nothing.

What would I find?

My fears, and love, and loneliness

staring back at me?

What if I embraced the echo, listened to her heart.

Stuttering in her chest are the words that stumble off her tounge.

But with homes and stores and factories in between your castle and your army, you need to design a pathway through the city that can get an entire army through it if needed. You manage to come up with three solutions:

Color Key:

Blue: water

Green: Castle

White: Nobles

Pink: Common

Gold: Market

Red: Army

Black: Your structure!!

1) Bridges! Your city is very proud of their inventive culture and innovative minds. What better way to show off your kingdom's wealth and engineering prowess? There would be staircases that let off into the market place too!

2) A tunnel system that's only used in emergencies. Dangerous for an island city with heavy infrastructure but possible, especially if reinforced structurally with plenty of stone, pillars, and shining plot armor!

3) Just plain old roads!! Main Street is a historical staple, why stray from what works? It's not super flashy, but it's stable and structurally sound, which is just what an island needs!

No holy white light.

Only golden beams as the sun rises

As I watch you wake.

And I would drink in this sin,

drunk for the rest of my life.

Drown with me and our sunken vows,

thunder rolls through the clouds.

It'll rain I will call it the perfect day.

I would be buried with you,

Laughing as I died.

And I would cast myself into the fires of Hell

and let the smoke rise up into the Heavens,

so that God may know

how I feel

about what he thinks

Blood intermingled with wine,

fires lit to send it up,

this sacrilegious life.

If you are my God,

then where is your alter?

I shall get on my knees, bow at your feet,

and present for you a feast.

Underneath the alter I'll take mine oath,

and heed your every word.

I'll take the knife you give to me,

And I will slit mine throat,

Oh take mine voice, mine body, mine soul.

Take all of what I offer you, drenched in bloodied wine,

Take me in my entirety, both mine holy and mine sinful mortal mind.

Dirt, or marble, or fabric beneath my bloodied knees,

my body trembles in reverence,

as I flirt with blasphemy.

I lie myself down as sacrifice, drunk on blood and wine.

My body limp, my soul held tight

within your godly limbs.

I burn and scream and pray your name,