Perservering Biologist

At minimum about 4.5 thousand people liked this without reblogging it.

Progress.

You now have this Ability in your real life!

And weirdly enough you’re really good at this: making pizzas and dealing with shitty customers and breaking up fights in the parking lot and pretending to be Duncan’s cousin on the phone so the utility company doesn’t cut off the power. But running a store is a lot of work for two dumb kids, so slowly you start accumulating a bunch of competent weirdos to help out, like the nun who left her convent because god told her to help you make pizzas, and the elderly school teacher who just survived a mass shooting, and the guy the papa johns down the street hired to run you over. And really there’s no way any of this should be working as well as it is - you’re absolutely committing fraud of some kind here - but you’ve managed to dodge the landlord every time he’s stopped by, and the health inspector never shows up to tell you to stop letting your dog hang out behind the counter and you’re all still kinda looking at each other and asking ‘are we allowed to just do this?’ before shrugging again and continuing to make pizzas, until somehow, through a series of unlikely technicalities, your doofus coworker ends up on the ballot for governor.

[“A FAGGOT FABLE

Some faggots were more beautiful than other faggots. The beautiful ones only wanted to touch and be touched by the other beautiful ones. Orchard was the most beautiful of all and all the beautiful faggots wanted to touch Orchard. One day Orchard made himself ugly, very ugly. When the beautiful faggots saw what he had done. they wept and then they turned their backs on him and forgot him. Only the ugly faggots now wanted to touch Orchard. So he gathered them all together and took them to a mountain top where they lived in harmony and joy. As they learned to love each other more and more, Orchard and the other ugly faggots grew more and more beautiful. After many years they floated down from their mountain top down into the town. The beautiful faggots were astounded by these newly arrived creatures. The beautiful faggots wanted to touch them all and love them forever. But Orchard said, "No, you are too ugly for us. Go and love the ugliest faggot you can discover and then we will love you in return." So they left the town and did as they were asked to do, spreading the notion that to love the ugliest will make both beautiful. At last, one day, all the faggots everywhere were so beautiful that no one had to think about it any more. Now they all loved and touched each other with great pleasure and ecstasy."]