âDespairâ and Dean and Cas
Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.
As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, itâs extremely emotional.
So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.
Just want to point out this. Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.
Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary. Casâ calming, Deanâs fear, Samâs desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.
âI canât stop this. Iâm coming apart. I donât want to hurt you. Donât let me hurt you.â
Oof. If youâve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.
When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE????? PAIN.
âYeah the Empty canât come to earth, not without being summoned.â
Hello Bobo, clue number 1.
The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.
Also Dean wielding Deathâs scythe?????? KING?????
Man, Sam and Deanâs growth. The way that theyâre able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain. Itâs just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt. Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.
CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF
AlsoâŠhunters and their âdates.â Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters. Hm. Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.
You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others? Because I do. Heâs always tried to be âusefulâ for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that heâs useful enough that they keep him around. But what he doesnât understand, what heâs never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.
Remind yâall of anything?
And here we have Clue Number 2
And then, Samâs realization. Eileen.
Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name? Whoâs to say?
How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????
Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen. Clue Number 3.
I feel like I donât talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen. About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her. This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but weâve barely even started.
Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode? He is the love of my life.
Deanâs simple nod, like itâs a given? Enough to do me in right there.
This is another episode where itâs just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters. Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him. Heâs knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter. Once again, I donât believe his work on earth is done.
Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant??? I donât really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????
With Billie saying that itâs Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldnât be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board. Itâs like I said last week, I donât buy that heâs taken himself off the board, heâs too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back. Heâs gotta break them before he can defeat them, thatâs the only way.
And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.
Deanâs speech. His guilt, his regret. The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.
âI just lead us into another trap. All because I, I couldnât hurt Chuck. Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because thatâs all I know how to do.â
âIt was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now. Everybodyâs gonna die, Cas. Everybody. I canât stop it.â
His narrative arc. Tied up in a bow.
âSheâs gonna get through that door.â
âAnd sheâs gonna kill you and then sheâs gonna kill me. Iâm sorry.â
Cas knows. He knows whatâll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.
âWhen Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.â
âThe price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.â
âWhy are you telling me this now?â
âI always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, Iâve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, itâs something I know I canât have.Â
âBut I think I know, I think I know nowâŠhappiness isnât in the having, itâs in just being. Itâs in just saying it.â
âWhat are you talking about, man?â
The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is. To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.
âI know, I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. Youâre destructive and youâre angry and youâre broken and youâre daddyâs blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, thatâs what drives you, thatâs who you are. Itâs not. And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are.
âYouâre the most caring man on earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta HellâŠknowing you has changed me.
âBecause you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you.Â
âYou changed me, Dean.â
âWhy does this sound like a goodbye?â
Deanâs greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.
The head shake. Donât love me. Donât love me if it means youâll leave me, donât love me, everyone I love leaves me. Donât leave me. Donât love me. Donât leave me.
âDonât do this, Cas.â
Just like I always thought. One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.
And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Samâs calls, unable to do anything. It doesnât matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesnât matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him. It doesnât matter. It doesnât matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he wonât get another chance to say it.
The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writersâ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this. Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.
I talk a lot about how these writers donât get the credit they deserve. Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will. We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen. But they did it. They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.
It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit. They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story. This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.
I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.
Sam is missing Eileen. Dean is missing Cas. That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them. Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back. Chuck will not win. Thatâs not the story being told, and right now? Heâs winning. Heâs broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.
Our show is going to end with âcontentment.â âContentmentâ isnât from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road. It isnât Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one. âContentmentâ is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas. Together.