i am so cool i promise

it's a fool's errand but I was already out for bread and milk

sorry for [remembering a tumblr post about expressing gratitude instead of apologising to make the interaction more positive for the other person] i mean thank you for having a boyfriend who was so easy to run over withmy car and reverse over three times maybe four

subject shows painful degree of self awareness paired with a complete inability to act on it

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

the "sorry my follower added that comment to your post" cake is arguably the rawest and most brutal reaction image on this site. like that's your follower. they followed you one day because they liked your posts. you're not even mutuals, they're your follower, you're their shepherd, you might as well be jesus to them. and then they embarrass you by posting cringe, so you grab them by their little pencil neck until their eyes bug out of their skull and parade them, tarred and feathered, through the town square, then drop their sad shitty body on OP's doorstep and paternalistically apologize on their behalf. all for the love of clout. every time i see that cake i get the impression that I've just witnessed a public execution for the crime of drawing a countryhumans gijinka of the country russia as an anime boy with his midriff coyly exposed, and the person dropping the blade on the guillotine is the accused's own dry-eyed father. It's riveting. I hope that image never goes away.

the lion does not concern herself with papa

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

do u feel my presence when i sign in

and i don't necessarily believe any of this i'm just saying words recreationally

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

*looks at polyamorous triad* so which of you is the soldier and which is the poet and which is the king