Sulemania

You have to listen to the basic melody a while before you start to improvise.

Hope there's a place in TES VI called Fort Night

Now available as prints and at-home print file

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

"This is some Light Yagami bull shit you are about to pull" <- Littany against avoiding small embarrassing/awkward moments that don't matter with over the top ass mind games.

It's like they can see into my soul lmaoooooo

On account of the natural disaster my dog wasn't able to go to the dog pub this week and thus didn't get her sandwich turkey she gets every week. In apology for this I made her a hamburger patty, which was served to her on top of her kibble, and now she is searching the house for more hamburger patties.

She seems to believe this was something that has always just been in my house and she never noticed and so if she looks hard enough she'll find more hamburger patties as clearly I summoned one from nothing.

When I got my current job they made me sign a form acknowledging that I'll be immediately fired if I accept free mcdonalds or an amazon gift card from someone at a rival firm

This single clip has done more advertising for Scavengers Reign than HBO Max

"I have never seen a cat that showed affection/love for it's owner" is the pet ownership version of "I don't believe in Female Orgasms they don't exist, after all, my wife has never had one"

#wait reblogging again to say#i also feel this way about rodents being mean and/or suicidal#if you think all rodents are seconds away from taking a chunk out of your finger maybe rethink being near rodents. ever.#the reason your small pet is skittish and scared of you and bites when you touch it and died after a month#is that you have no idea how to handle them and know nothing about the care requirements. via @cupidispretty extremely accurate peer reviewed

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review