greetings fellow humans

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

What I’d give for one of the Cinderella remakes to go into how when you’re in an isolated and abusive situation, sometimes you need to be saved and you’re not weak if you can’t escape by yourself

Mark, the manager: Okay. So. We do pride ourselves on being the establishment of choice for the vigilantes of Gotham.

That means you will be serving the Bats. And there are a couple ground rules.

Now. Unfortunately this has happened enough times that it is a rule. Do not flirt with Nightwing. I know he starts it, he's joking, don't finish it. That's just an HR demand waiting to happen. And I will fire you.

Second. If Red Hood comes, don't ask him if he wants his fries jokerized. Just do it. He does want them jokerized but don't mention it.

Uhh, fair warning, the middle one will stalk you. Just for a bit. It's normal I think, he's just doing a background check. That's my bad, apparently I hired a 'Shadow' once, whatever the fuck that means.

The yellow one and the purple one, are cool. Yellow comes mostly during the day, so you don't have to worry. And if Purple drops any glitter just sweep after she leaves.

The one that looks like Batman but gender-bend is cool too, but you're not allowed to say 'yes' if she offers teaching you self defense. That's an order from Corporate.

Do not. –Listen to me– Do. Not. Serve the little one meat. I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if there aren't any veggie options left. You don't serve him meat. He's a vegetarian, last guy to get it mixed up is the reason why we have a job opening, got it?

And lastly. If ANY of them is actively bleeding or looks worse for wear, you press this button and don't say anything. It sends Batman a message and he pays us extra if we let him know his kids are hurt.

Mark, the manager: Any questions?

Some socialite telling him that he can’t bring his kids to events, asking what his mother would have said and Bruce deadpans and goes, ‘I think she would have liked to have met her grandchildren. But of course, she never did’

His med school lecturers threatening to flunk him if he doesn’t hand in his essay on blood loss, only for Bruce to say ‘it’s just a touchy subject for me’ and the lecturer blue screening because shit

Some rogue tries to kidnap Bruce at some event, holding a gun to his head, just for Bruce to look at the rogue, almost tearfully and be like ‘i always knew I would end up like my dad’ and the rogue just panics because now they are in a room with a bunch of pissed off people because they’ve almost made the Princess Diana of Gotham cry.

Clark gets mad at him over something, yelling at him and of course Bruce is just no listening so Clark just snaps, Ma Kent’s favourite phrase of ‘who raised you???’ Only to completely fucking choke, pray for the ground to swallow him up because Bruce’s expression just slips a little (inside he’s hysterically laughing). Clark comes by again with a batch of cookies.

Well played Merriam-Webster.

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