i'm hip

not now kitten, mommy needs to get up off her ass and overcome her fear of writing poorly because it's better than not writing at all.

no rest for me and im not even that wicked ?

WHAT ARE YALL READING RN you must tell me

free my girl she did all that and that’s what makes her such a compellingly complex character. that’s her essence

what in the world are "pity likes" you guys are inventing new ways to be insecure. every like i give is a like with my whole pussy

it's thousand yard stare summer

"on god's green earth" is way too fun to say even when you don't believe in god and know most of it is blue, actually

I really hope attenborough just keeps going, I hope he hits 200 but everyone is too nervous to like bring it up or study him or whatever cuz it's david attenborough

I seem to be living a very expensive lifestyle called eating food regularly

apparently I’m playing skyrim again… and by “playing skyrim” I obviously mean “spending hours installing mods before I ever open the game”

foreplay with Todd

do you ever think before you post

yes, I think “ha! funny” and hit post

you solve the mystery of what to have for dinner one night and you think "hell yeah case closed forever" WRONG there is a dinner mystery the next night too

countries will be like “nooooo our birth rate is falling exponentially and it’s effecting our economy” and immigrants will be like “hey can you let us in so we can boost your economy and fill your empty jobs and raise our children here” and inevitably the country is like “the only thing worse than a large scale collapse of our population is letting foreigners live here”

grant me the serenity to kill you with a brick, the courage to kill you with a brick, and the wisdom to kill you with a brick. amen

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it