fight me

I stopped being special for 2 seconds today and the pain? Unimaginable.

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

Pro tip: when you see a brand new slang term, your first question should be how that term has been used in AAVE for the past 20-30 years.

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

oh hello delightful forest boar. why are you charging at me so fast

This seems counterproductive to your goals, how are you going to get ice cream if there is no earth? Are you an idiot stupid of sorts?

an apple a day keeps the doctor bent over and moaning for more

modern social media should stop offering "sync with your phone contacts to follow them" options and start offering "block all your phone contacts so they never see your account" options

Lend your power to me, lion...

they hate when you serve weird girl

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

Cops are here.

Casting lightning magic alone in the parking lot

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

*putting my hand in the cavernous space between what you are and what you pretend to be, and wiggling it around* woah haha is there meant to be that much emptiness here? lol are you like okay bestie? omg this kind of tickles my hand does this tickle your nothing? #yournothing <3

it's okay for you to find this post sexual. I put the sensual feeling in there on purpose. you don't need to do weird posturing about it.

a friend has informed me that this post made its way to bluesky. they're putting pieces of my soul on other websites. I want to hear about it any time you see one. collect my evil screenshots, like a slenderman but I'm fat.

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you