Ben Wyatt Is My Dad

This one time I ate so much salmon I could barely move, and then my mom was like oh have some blueberry pie for desert, and in that moment I understood what it is like to be a grizzly bear

i straight up do not respect your media opinions if you can't let harry potter go

Truely the bar is on the ground. No one is asking you to rewrite history and pretend you never liked it. Just stop giving that hateful woman money.

cybertrucks are so amazing to me. sure it may be unsafe to drive and unimaginably expensive and ugly as shit but at least everyone who sees you driving it thinks youre a nazi

westley in the princess bride was so funny for being like ‘talk about this dead guy you loved lol’ and getting the tea about himself

oh he was ur true love? you thought he was hot n strong? rate him 1-10 and why

I can tell when a straight guy has a moustache for the wrong reasons

i love sending people my totaled car as a reaction image it’s so funny

My coworker asked me a question about Queer culture the other day and it was a really good question but I couldn’t think of a polite way to tell them that they didn’t have the foundational knowledge required to support full comprehension of the answer

^

band on the run

all my favourite characters have a deep desire to be loved which says nothing about me also I am normal

squeezing my pussy and concentrating all the microplastics in my body to print a perfect tiny figurine of a fruit bat

The dumpster is a lot less likely to catch fire and kill people

The dumpster keeps trash OFF the streets.

the design of the dumpster had more thought put into it.

The dumpster will last longer

i hate people who know highways. “i’m heading south on I-65” okay man. i’m moving my rook to c2

Do you hate them or do they frustrate you? Cause hate is a strong word to use

tough fucking luck losing my cart and my pack of camels in the same 48 hour period i suspect that it may have been ghouls

are you a medieval silk road merchant