Rebecca de Winter did nothing wrong

As De Angelis stock of warehouse receipts increased, he began to replace the soybean oil in his tanks with water. Some tanks had special compartments, while others were hooked-up to a maze of pipes to shuttle oil from one tank to the next to fool inspectors.

I'm asking because this is legit how my poppa left Pakistan 😂The emigration officer required a "gift" (aka bribe) of three buckets of high-quality ghee before he released any work visas. My poppa could just about afford half a bucket of abominable ghee, but he had a grifters heart and a buttload of ice, so he did this exact thing - poured a small amount of ghee over a lot of ice water (which also made the shitty ghee look a lot creamier) then yoinked his passport and got the hell out before the ice melted.

So, poppa actually means grandfather, not father! But I love the reactions this story got, and I've had a rough few days so I want to write a little more about him.

I posted that story because for some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about him. It turns out that day, my poppa got a chest infection. He went downhill very quickly, but hung on until all his family could come back and say goodbye. He passed away on the 8th of August.

I feel like I just want to emphasise just how incredible this man really was. As I've said above, he had the heart of a grifter, and a way of making everyone around him feel special - which meant they'd often do anything for him. Even in his 90s or 100s (in a classic conman move, he never gave an "official" birth date to anyone, not even his family), he could still charm anyone. All the nurses that looked after him later in life called him "dadu" and came in outside their shifts just to spend time with him.

During partition (most likely as a teenager), he used his charm to save multiple lives, and risked death himself. Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs were set against each other by the British government, and he once had to hide himself in a prayer rug when a group of men came into his mosque and killed everyone as they prayed. After that, he told his entire family to stay inside. But he went out to gather food. People tried to kill him. He told them "today you'll kill me. Tomorrow one of my people might kill you. All that does is let our families grow hungry". And he survived.

On these journeys, he found all the Muslims he could, and gathered them together. Once, he was asked by an imam to prove he was a Muslim before following him. Naturally, he decided the best form of proof was physical, so he pulled off his dhoti and showed this 80something imam his dick. Somehow, that worked 😂 When he gathered all the survivors together, he put his brother on his shoulders and led them to an Indian military camp to wait out the violence of partition before moving to Pakistan.

He charmed the INDIAN MILITARY during PARTITION into protecting a group of poor Muslim villagers. For three months.

He also fought for the women in his community. When he knew forced marriages were about to occur, he'd warn the girls. He even helped them elope with the boyfriends they'd hidden. If he couldn't warn them in time, he'd stand outside the doors of the mosque with an old police baton and refuse to let anyone inside until the marriage was cancelled - his favourite threat translates to "I've covered this in chilli oil and I'll shove it up your ass"

One of my favourite things about these really difficult last few days has been listening to the women in my family. He gave them so much love, so much confidence in themselves. He made them proud to be Muslim, proud to be Desi, proud to be women, in 1950s England. And he did that through loving them, and teaching them they were worthy of love. As I grew up, he did the same for me. He was a shameless misandrist and openly gave women twice as much money, food, and gifts as men. Because he knew it was a hard world for us. And he knew we needed a little something extra, something to make us feel special.

At most of our funerals, women aren't allowed to see the body buried. But the community insisted that, for him, the rules should be bent for one last time. So for the first time in my city I, my mother, and the women who loved him got to say goodbye. And the imam, who he constantly fought against, had to grit his teeth and bear it, because this man was so beloved.

He was quiet, intelligent, and kind. He loved poetry. He taught me how to drink Southern Comfort and swear in Punjabi. He had a grifters heart, and he absolutely grifted his way into this country. But he used his skills for good. He died poor, but I've never known and never will know a more loving, loved man.

Goodbye, Miraj din Dogar. I love you beyond words.

@watchanddream Sure! This got a bit lengthier than I intended, but I wanted to try and be thorough.

Put far too simply, xenia is the practice of hospitality, but it's also a ritual and in a sense a contract between guest and host. When a stranger arrives at your doorstep, you're expected to feed them and give them a gift as the host. Typically, you're not even supposed to ask them their name until they've finished their meal. Once you've done this as the host, the guest is now expected to share stories and information about themselves, and not burden you or your household. Typically, people focus on how hosts violate xenia, but guests can also violate xenia.

This is called a guest-friendship, and once it's established, you are expected to offer the same to your host should they ever visit. It's a ritual of hospitality, yes, but it's also used to establish alliances and can be passed down through generations. For example, in the Iliad, when Glaucus and Diomedes discover that their grandparents were guest-friends, they decide not to fight, but rather exchange armor.

Theoxeny is a common story you see in myth where a god (typically Zeus) disguises themselves as a mortal and requests to be hosted by someone. Should the host follow the rules of xenia, they'll be rewarded, but if they fail, they'll be punished or killed.

This is important to the Odyssey, as it comes up multiple times, but in particular, the cyclops, and the suitors. In both these instances, Odysseus arrives disguised and gives a false name, the practices of xenia are failed, and Odysseus reveals himself and punishes the one that failed to follow xenia. The suitors in particular fail xenia, as they both fail as hosts, AND as guests, for burdening Odysseus's household.

Because Nausicaa and Arete are really important if you look at the Odyssey with gendered politics in mind.

Odysseus' success and failures boil down to essentially 2 things- the loyalty/disloyalty of his men, and the favor/hostility of powerful women.

Circe is deadly foe and then key ally after being overpowered. Calypso acts benevolent but keeps Odysseus trapped. Scylla and the Sirens both represent the feminine as a natural disaster, unreasonable, unconquerable, maybe survivable if you keep your distance.

Penelope is Odysseus' goal, but could also be his final undoing, as Clytemnestra was to Agamenmon.

And of course, Athena, patron goddess and guide.

And then you have Nausicaa. Odysseus washes up on her shores, naked and alone, mirroring Calypso. But Nausicaa does not exploit his vulnerability- she deftly understands the potential politics at play and assists Odysseus while granting him his dignity. With her help he wins over Arete, the real power behind the throne, and he is granted the highest hospitality and, at last, a way home. They stand as a foil and a mirror with many of the other women in the Odyssey- what is the proper role of a noble woman? How to wield that power in a way that is helpful and just, noble and kind.

Odysseus has seen so much deception and betrayal since leaving Troy. He has been warned that Penelope might mirror her cousin, clytemnestra, and be disloyal. She might need to be overpowered, like Circe. She might seek to control and emasculated him, like Calypso. OR, she could be like Nausicaa and Arete- powerful, but kind, hospitable and dignified. (As she is like Athena- clever and skillful.)

you've seen the jokes. india is "dirty", indians are "everywhere", why don't they fix their own country. ok. let me tell you why, and what's happening right now while nobody's watching.

first, the history you skipped: britain ruled india for two centuries and drained it. economist utsa patnaik's research estimates around $45 trillion in today's money was taken. the india that got independence in 1947 was one of the poorest countries on earth. every "why is india like this" question starts there. you don't get to profit off a robbery and then mock the crime scene.

now, what's happening RIGHT NOW:

in may the question paper for NEET leaked. that's the national medical entrance exam. over 2.2 million students took it. cancelled. years of studying, families' savings poured into coaching, gone overnight because someone sold the paper. students died by suicide after. these were kids who wanted to be doctors.

and out of that came a protest movement. a gen z group called the cockroach janta party, started by a 30 year old named abhijeet dipke, got 22 million instagram followers within DAYS. they've been doing a sit-in at jantar mantar in delhi demanding education minister dharmendra pradhan resign.

and then there's sonam wangchuk. if you've watched 3 idiots, he's the real engineer the character was based on. built solar schools in ladakh. invented ice stupas so himalayan villages have water. spent his whole life on education. he's 59 and he's been on hunger strike for 17+ days now. reporters went to see him this week and he was too weak to talk. and the troll armies are calling him "anti national" and "foreign funded". a man starving himself for other people's children. that's the thing here, anyone who asks a question is suddenly a traitor.

it's not one incident, it's everywhere you look:

• infrastructure worth thousands of crores failing within months of the ribbon cutting. tunnels collapsing in regions where heavy rain is a guarantee, not a surprise.

• youth unemployment near 10% for ages 15 to 29, 13.6% in cities. in a country of 1.42 billion where more than half the population is young.

• only about the top 3% of indians earn above 10 lakh a year. meanwhile billionaire wealth keeps ballooning and the headlines celebrate it.

• manipur burned for over two years. an ethnic conflict, tens of thousands displaced, and the prime minister barely said the word manipur while it happened.

• journalists raided. critics' houses bulldozed. activists sitting in jail for years without trial under laws like UAPA. our press freedom ranking has cratered.

• even the petrol is a fight now, ethanol blending pushed through while drivers complain about their engines and get no straight answers.

and through all of it, the PM, who came to power on religious polarisation (americans, sound familiar?), travels abroad for photo ops and has not held one single open press conference in over a decade. not one.

what i'm asking:

if you're not indian: share this. our media mostly won't cover any of it because the big outlets are owned by the same billionaires the government serves. the only reason wangchuk's fast is getting any coverage is people refusing to look away.

if you ARE indian: speak up even if you're comfortable. especially if you're comfortable. join the protests. add to this, correct me, translate it. staying quiet is a choice when nothing in this post touches your life.

india is not "dirty". india was robbed, and it's being robbed again, from the inside this time. but it's also the country where a 59 year old will starve for strangers' kids and 22 million young people will rally behind a party literally named after cockroaches, because cockroaches survive everything.

we can still save her. but only loudly.