Aquarianisms

Henryk Płóciennik (Polish, 1933–2020)

"Untitled (Green Composition)", 1976.

Oil on Canvas, 62 × 46 cm.

buy some leather. go out where other scary dykes are. have some experiences. no amount of learning shit online will help you grow, the grit you want is passed down from other leather dykes. if you're a sadist, especially if you've got the religious shame or moral anxiety, learn how to communicate. learn how to say exactly what you want and learn how to ask others what they want. listen when they tell you.

remember there is value in honesty. don’t front like you know shit you don’t. if you're not sure how to proceed with something, say that. if you're not sure how to do something right, say that. if it's your first time, say that. there is nothing worse than a person who tries to emulate what they want to be without being honest about where they're at. confidence comes from lived experience and if you're caught up in wanting to project a tough exterior you're not going to be present or learning or growing. if you let insecurity drive your actions it will be obvious to the people around you. being honest is being vulnerable, and not to be a complete cliché, but being vulnerable is one of the most sexy and badass things you can do as a dyke.

in my experience people who are raised religious (mostly christianity derived religion) have a really fucking hard time connecting with their own desires, for fear of shame or guilt. when you grow up learning that shit it's a long process to unpack. every time you feel bad for what you're into, try to catch it and examine it. where does that morality framework come from? is it the people that you want to be like? or is it from the type of people whose opinions don't matter to you anymore?

the only important things in this type of life are to live how you want to live and making sure you're treating your people right.

remember that you will fuck up. try to learn early on how to say sorry. if you realize you are actually (nonsexy) hurting someone, learn how to stop in that moment and acknowledge it. prioritize treating the other dykes in your life well over your own feelings of shame. your goal is not to do everything right, it is to be a good person who makes mistakes.

not everyone will like you. there is nothing you can do about it. learn how to be okay with that. people pleasing is your worst enemy.

read some literature in your free time if you want. read some leatherdyke smut written by actual dykes. read Leatherfolk. read some books about the AIDs crisis and learn some fag history. absorb their stories, try to start to understand where this culture comes from, and don’t be a jackass and act like you're better than someone for knowing those things.

excalibur

A digital drawing of Utena Tenjou and Anthy Himemiya, done in dark, saturated reds and blues and yellows. Anthy lies on the ground, her red dress billowing around and catching light. Utena kneels on one knee over her, holding her up with one hand, and with the other, drawing a brilliantly glowing sword out of her torso. The background is dark, with a large, dim design that could be smoke or a rose.