a fucking nightmare tbh

fish want me to fuck women

when i am kissing a woman there are always sea beasts like barnacle ostracod etc. there cheering and celebrating so loudly for me.

there are many benefits to being a marine biologist

what do you mean you don’t want a vial of my blood on a necklace???? i thought you had feelings for me????????????

I’ve never been to Las Vegas but I love it in concept because it sounds so made up. Imagine if you were reading a fantasy novel and they were like “smack in the middle of a deadly inhospitable desert there is a glittering city of indulgence and lawlessness and cheap sin that has specifically engineered itself to obfuscate your sense of time and keep you there as long as possible while they take all your valuables.” You’d be like yeah that’s some wizard shit. 

enough coffee shop aus. time for ‘the thing’ aus. they are trapped together at a research station in antarctica. everyone stands around tensely while getting a blood test. somebody’s head turns into a spider.

hannibal lecter does the typical “are you a danger to yourself or others?” therapist thing but if they say yes he’s like nice.

“he’s just some guy” yes but he has excellent tits

are they hot or are they just skinny. do they have great style or are they just skinny. do you want their gender or are they just skinny.

caramelizing onions on the first date to show that i have 1 patience 2 a huge masterchef dick

heres my specific dni list: you hate the muppets, unironically use the term “tenderqueer”, dont have any stuffed animals, have never played with legos, pretentious about music, hate slugs, own a rainbow dash wig, hate sharks, make posts like “not having cats is a red flag”, have the kurt cobain or any of the sesame street pop figures and havent given them to me yet, think ratatouille is a bad movie, make fun of your friends for their interests, have never eaten sand, wear short sleeves in the winter, hate making spreadsheets, only watch “artsy” movies, actively engage in discourse over the mcu, dont think bert and ernie are gay, dont keep show/concert tickets, are scared of big bird, think goldfish are better than cheeze-its, dont think english is blue, think in utero is the worst nirvana album, have never failed a test, dont know how to repot a plant, or have never seen any muppet movies.