you make my crooked heart do freaky little flips ♡

i think i’m going to be straight now can a girl come on this post so i can practice i want to try to be straight today

i need a girl to come on to this post i need to try something

ok. im come over.

heyyyy lol 😛 sooooooo *leans against the wall in a way that’s way way way way too close and you can smell my deer attractant and axe body spray combo* ummmm *blushes* *goes red*

ok. whatever. *looks away from you, hornily*

*i panic and rip your face off*

ummm.... ok... kind of weird... you are such a weird guy lol.... kind of funny tho... lol... can we kiss now. *i am unperturbed and my face is growing back slowly because i am immortal*

OOC: Godmodding. This is why i never RP with women

OOC: Typical misogyny. And of course the mod team does nothing. This is why rpworld.zetaforums.net is failing. I’ll be taking me - and my FOURTY-SEVEN active RP threads - to roleplaydream.invisionfree.com. Thanks for nothing.

OOC: Have fun getting anyone to play with your shitty mary sue. Go back to fanfic

What the fuck did I just read?  As a role player and a non-straight woman... I think I need a drink after reading this.  You are BOTH terrible role players, and neither of you are worthy of a good plot. 

*crawls towards you on all fours submissively hoping you don’t hurt me*

i like how we all just ignore that the original meme was a joke about which is louder in favour of the interpretation that it's a question of whether or not this sick baby could survive a direct impact from a nuclear warhead

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

Being an adult will have you unironically sad about a parasite outbreak in fresh vegetables.

pop health science is so annoying bc it'll be like "did you know? eating strawberries will give you mega cancer" and you're like pfft whatever begone influencer. but sometimes then you'll see a reasonably credible article like "Study Shows Possible Link Between Strawberries and Mega Cancer" and you're not usually the type to follow that kind of thing religiously but idk maybe you should consider not eating strawberries? but then there's another article saying "Strawberry/Mega Cancer Study Debunked" and it turns out the original study had a sample size of 3 and was funded by Big Blueberry, and strawberries may have a small connection to mega cancer but only if you are genetically predisposed to mega cancer and eat 50 strawberries every day. so you return to your strawberry eating life. but whenever you eat strawberries in public someone tells you about the mega cancer.

Being 11 was terrible i would not wish it on anyone

my mom told me this story tonight about my grandfather. she said when he was a little boy he was afraid robbers would break into his house in the middle of the night and try to abduct him out of his bed. he thought that they would be able to feel that he was the shape of a little boy under the covers and know to grab him. so he would try to fall asleep in the shape of a letter of the alphabet. so that they would feel for him and be like "oh it's just the letter R, not a kidnappable child"

Oh we're all feeling this one aren't we?

and that much ado? it's about nothing