Start To Crate

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (2015) StC: -2 (Introcrate Design Penalty)

Goat Simulator (2014) StC: 17.35

Intrepid Start To Crate submitter Nep used Twitter to supply this fractional rating, along with a screenshot of a capra aegagrus hircus artfully positioned by some arcam ligneum. 

@Goat_Simulator @StarttoCrate: 17.35s

— nep (@thugdoubt) July 26, 2014

.@Goat_Simulator @StarttoCrate pic.twitter.com/YLZlmECKCL

— nep (@thugdoubt) July 26, 2014

Of course, should another ambitious member of the Start to Crate Junior Commandos™ produce a quicker result, we are prepared to strip Nep of his otherwise chronologically and scientifically perfect result.

Super Mario Bros. (1985) StC: 1

From submitter Clement, we received this scientifically exhaustive (and wholly accurate) report on one of the most classic (and apparently criminally overrated) games of all time:

I awoke this morning with the sudden realization that a ? Block is just a crate with a pressure-sensitive opening mechanism. After rigorous testing, I found that the widely revered Super Mario Bros. rates only a 1 on the objective StC scale.

BIT.TRIP Presents... Runner2: Future Legend of Rhythm Alien (2013) StC: 0

Half-Life 3 (2014) StC: 0 When the founding fathers of Start to Crate research work on a project, you know they're going to toy with audience expectations, but a surprise release with such a mind-blowingly confident crate statement was the last thing we expected.

Hotline Miami (2012) StC: 17

Sometimes at the Start to Crate Chronographic Research Laboratory you start to get paranoid, and think, 'they're messing with us'.  The player is rewarded for speed, right? Completing the levels as BRIEFly as possible?  No?

Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft (2014) StC: 0

Dark Souls Revisited - A Crateure Compendium

Though we here at Start to Crate have taken a look at Dark Souls already, with the imminent release of the sequel, we thought it was worth one last (death-filled) visit to explore the inventive, mind-bending designs of the notoriously challenging adventure in crate-smashing.

Note: Each crate will be presented in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (2nd Edition) format so you can include them in your pen & paper Dark Souls adventures at home!

Standard Crate Climate: Town/Dungeon Frequency: Common Organization: Hierarchical Gets the job done.

Standard Barrel Climate: Town/Dungeon Frequency: Common Morale: Fanatic Never actually contains anything fluid under any circumstances.

Crusader Kings II (2012) StC: 1

The Stanley Parable (2013)

StC: 0

Antichamber (2013) StC: 1

Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons (2013) StC: 61

Pulling a veritable Dark Souls on us, Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons (good on you for not putting a colon in there, Starbreeze) teases the StC research team by showing us a sack and a cart before the tutorial even begins, and hints at a clay pot before unleashing the dreaded 'Wooden Barrel which sits inside a man's home, blocking a bookshelf for some reason' in the first cutscene, barely a minute after the game begins.

Dishonored (2012) StC: 0

X-Com: Enemy Unknown (2012) StC: 0

A tutorial.  In a warehouse.  Crates.  Barrels.  Space boxes.  Mysteriously tarped-over bundles (other crates).  Like one pallet in the whole place.

Fez (2012) StC: 0

Couldn't leave well enough alone, eh Fez?  A game about finding magical puzzle cubes, 6-sided multi-dimensional figures and a helpful prismatic companion, and you nevertheless had to go ahead and just say 'A CRATE?' for your obvious button-pressing puzzle.