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i’m like if a man and a woman had a baby and it grew up in a tumultuous society with undiagnosed mental disorders and unrestricted internet access

The promiscuous women bot accounts keep following me I am fucking under attack

a car goes full speed off a cliff and explodes at the bottom and when the smoke clears it's actually just perfectly parallel parked

a second car somewhere in the world perfectly parallel parks and when you think the car is finally aligned it spontaneously combusts and explodes

successfully navigating a social interaction really does feel like picking the correct dialogue option in a video game

so. how does anyone ever have the time or energy

Executive function Georg, who lives in a cave and accomplishes 10,000 tasks per day, is an outlier adn should not be counted. 

How does he have time between eating spiders?

The task is eating spiders

This is the quality content I come to Tumblr to see.

HEY LADIES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . DID YOU KNOW UHHHHHHHHH

Feeling sixk.. cougf cockf… im so shick

I nemeed meddysine

pleabse. doctor 🧑‍⚕️??

Thank Christ…… fucking vital mins

Hourhhfbf

Stop being so incredibly funny on my impossible puzzle post

mike’s hard past couple of months

IT’S NOT EVEN THE NEW YEAR YET

THIS🎃IS🎃HALLOWEEN🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃