Squidsheep

made me laugh thinking abt if you do porn your boss could walk by and be like “fuckin hard or hardly fuckin?” and that might be pretty funny. well im alone there now. in our “special place”. waiting for you.

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

you can't get out that way!

that's not very helpful.

maybe the open window will help.

try the open window instead.

"like a boss" by lonely island was released ten thousand years ago when mammoths still roamed the big wide world. feel old yet?

Come to think of it, it really is insane that my entire country is burning alive and literally no one in the rest of the world cares. Thousands of Indians are dying every day from the heat, it's 45+ degrees in multiple areas, the government couldn't give two fucks, we're getting severe warnings and red alerts, and not a soul outside of South Asia is speaking about it because why would you ever care about brown people

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

You deny your weapon it's amazing digital purpose

mate just so you know you're coming off as a major ocelot right now [what initially seems to be a jerk off motion but then becomes the gun twirling]

"Foreign workers are crucial for the more than 700 military bases with U.S. service members around the world. They often do tasks such as serving food, cleaning the barracks and guarding the bases. In many cases, they are not from the countries where the bases are located. Instead, they are flown in from other countries with fewer job opportunities, including Bangladesh, Nepal, India and the Philippines."

crush totally wasn't impressed by my miraculous flying machine fml

oh my god i just saw her get onto an airship with a woman whose tophat has at least twice as many sprockets as mine. i will be killing myself with an elaborate pneumatic pistol tonight

As a chronic "good heavens" sayer, and as a casual rhyme enjoyer, it's been really hard not to pepper in the phrase "good heavens six sevens" into my vocabulary. It would be so much fun to say, but it would immediately alienate both young hip people and old antiquated people and really only be enjoyed by whimsically autistic transgender women, so yeah :/

while I am talking to you about something gay and stupid a mosquito lands on my arm and sucks all my blood out in an instant, swelling to the size of a person as my remains flutter cartoonishly down to the ground, and it continues the conversation where I left off in a high pitched approximation of my voice