Today I will meet a lizard 🦎

The curse of being a decent human being is that people will think you're interested in them

World Heritage Post

Wild caught clownfish will be like ‘hm you see, the anemone you got me is a slightly different color and tentacle width than the one I had back home, so I will not begin hosting it. I’ll be a sort of wandering ronin for the rest of my days.’ And then a captive bred clownfish will be like ‘ok so I have this curved rock I found and I just sit above it and it take care of me 👍’

#mybrick

guys, if i do kill myself and never published any books or anything please copy all my best tumblr posts and arrange them into a deeply moving stream of consciousness narrative and submit it to the new yorker on my behalf. i feel like i can count on you. don't let my life and posting have been in vain

eternally painful that you can't socialize without people expecting you to talk. sometimes I just want to be around. like a cat

btw with email u dont have to lick the envelope. i know a lot of people have been doing that and its fine and all but you dont acrtually have to do that with email.

Sorry mate nothing you say will stop me from licking you

that’s alright. just giving you all your options

guy who cares way too much about proper animal husbandry and is annoying to do petplay bdsm scenes with

you've been a bad dog... what? no, i'm not gonna punish you. animals respond better to positive reinforcement. you should know that. i've only talked about it a thousand times.