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@aplatonicism
About this blog
This blog is dedicated to posting about my personal experiences and concept of aplatonicism, as well as to community related discussion and asks, and also to answering questions about being aplatonic and aplatonicism in general.
Anon asks are on.
call me: Jas, or Sinister
pronouns: he/him
about me: aplatonic / alloromantic / allosexual / queer
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
People have already recommended mutual(s)/moot(s), but I've also started using go-to person/people for folks I'm closer with but still don't consider my friends š
Good ones! I'm fond of "buddies" or "pals" for people that I interact socially with but don't consider "friends". It's kind of the hobby equivalent of "coworker" for me.
Hi! I'm not sure if iit exactly related to the topic of aplatonicism, but what do you think about social interactions irl vs digitally?
I've realised that i'm aplatonic, and that it's enough for me to just interact a little bit with people irl (chatting face-to-face, hanging out in a company), and also that it gets really tiring to interact via only texting or chatting online (even if i know the person irl).
I have the same experience as you - I only require a little bit of face to face interaction to feel socially fulfilled, and chatting online takes a lot of energy, and I get tired very quickly if it's not someone I'm emotionally involved with.
Going through your blog is a wild experience for me. I think I'm so alloplatonic that the stuff you talk about is stuff I've never even considered before. Your experiences are so different from mine, and that's so cool!
It's always interesting to meet someone who has a very different experience of things! Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words.
sorry if this is a stupid question (I'm very new to exploring aplatonicism) but can someone experience queerplatonic, alterous, and/or exteramo attraction in place of platonic attraction? Like, the people they *do* form deep emotional bonds with came from an alterous place instead of a platonic one, for example?
I'm not sure about queerplatonic attraction, since that's not something I personally understand, but I definitely think that an aplatonic person can experience alterous or exteramo attraction, and I would say that's some of what I experience with people myself.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
how did you figure out you were aplatonic? :o like was there anything you looked back on and went "hm. should've figured out sooner." or soemthing?
i've been questioning whether i am or am not for awhile now but it's been kind of confusing.
In retrospect, two things stand out:
having a crush on/complicated feelings for every single person I was 'good friends' with.
Getting along really well with people and having fun, positive conversations and interactions, but never being interested in following up on that and turning it into a consistent relationship.
It's frustrating because, much like romance, the concept of 'friendship' is so vague and nebulous, it's hard to pin down if you're feeling the same things that other people are feeling or not.
Obviously I'm capable of (with effort) maintaining relationships that function in the ways that people expect a friendship to (as near as I can tell), but I don't feel any impulse to create these relationships, and I'm constantly walking a line of disinterest vs romantic attraction.
I genuinely don't think I've ever had a "friendship" that wasn't an extremely messy, toxic situationship. And some of them have been and are absolutely fantastic, but I can't recommend them.
Friendship is inherently oppressive and fucked up, but no one want to talk about it. Sincerely, an angry caedplatonic and aplatonic rascal.
nonnie, i forgot to answer this ask, but you're absolutely right and it should be talked about more. it is inherently oppressive, and it's shoved so far down peoples throats that they don't realize it.
a large portion of why i'm aplatonic today is because i spent a childhood forced into friendships that i never understood, never wanted, with people i never connected with as friends- i was only ever ostracized and bullied by them because i was different and didn't prove i was a friend the right way.
We rly need to bring back the term āacquaintanceā like into regular and frequent use. So many high drama community squabbles and feelings of betrayal could be avoided if people just admitted thereās a step between āstrangerā and a full on friend whose friendship you have a commitment to continuing and fostering. Like sometimes youāre just aquatinted with someone and you might decide you donāt like them after getting to know them a bit betterā¦thatās very normal
Happy aplatonic visibility day! Here are some reminders!
Not everyone feels platonic attraction
Not everyone has or wants friends
Aplatonics can still be social (I'm extremely social), but also a lot of us just don't have the same socialization needs as alloplatonics. If your first question for aplatonics is "how do you fulfill the need for socialization without friends?" please consider why you think that's something that everyone needs
Conversations and interactions with strangers and acquaintances can be just as meaningful and fulfilling as those with friends
Friendship, like any relationship, should require explicit consent and a conversation. Don't start referring to people as friends without discussing it first
Friend and bestie are not casual terms to say to anyone; ask for consent before you use them
Platonic does not mean non-romantic. It specifically refers to relationships between friends. If you want to say something without romantic intent, say you mean it non-romantically
Aspec means more than just aro and/or ace. Atertiaries are here too. That doesn't just mean aplatonics, but also afamilials, asensuals, anaesthetics/nonaesthetics, etc
Not all aspecs value friendship above all. Not all aspecs want QPRs
Not all aplatonics are aromantic. Not all aplatonics are loveless. Not all aplatonics are asexual. Not all aplatonics are afamilial
Anyway, have a lovely day my fellow apples! Don't forget that you can't commit crimes today without being caught
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
A thing I find annoying with being pressured into friends is that if you aren't friends with someone, talking to them regularly is considered weird. Like talking to people often enough seems to automatically mean to people that it's friendship and it's not? I just like talking to people
As a frayplatonic person it's a lot nicer to talk to people without that pressure involved, same with hanging out. Sometimes using friends as a term feels more like "I can talk and hang out with this person" but to other people it means more than that and I really don't like it
Like sure, I'll make friends, I get excited about it, but as time goes on I really wish I could just talk without it being called friendship, hang out and do things without being considered friends :/ it would feel pretty much the same, just less stress later on when I don't want it to be friendship anymore (but trying to explain that to people is scary because yeah, I like being around you! No, I don't want to be friends anymore. And then people think it's mean or whatever)
I feel you, anon.
I've said it before, and I've said it again, we need to bring back the term "acquaintance".
Iām not aplatonic but I do agree on friendships being more socially pressure. Which pretty much sucks and Iāve kinda absorbed some of that sentiment and now Iām struggling to leave a friend I canāt fully adjust myself with because I feel like a shitty person for doing so.
It's nice to see some agreement that friendships are strongly socially pressured. Thank you, anon.
As I've said before, society expects any offer of friendship to be met with a "yes, absolutely!" no matter what, and any refusal is considered rude.
They "just" want to be friends. As if being friends wasn't a social obligation, and a demand on someone's time and energy.
As if "friendship" wasn't presented as a kind of sacred bond that you have to sacrifice and show up for.
hi iām aroace and aplatonic questioning, i just got here and i have no idea where to look for information. šµāš«
iāve lived my whole life with the mindset of āi donāt really care for friends, but the social advantage of having them is too much to pass upā but there are people who i consider friends that i donāt mind hanging around and find interesting as people. Im also in a qpr š does that disqualify me? can you be aplatonic but still form friendships? or am i just a loner who still does experience some platonic attraction?
any words of wisdom or points in the right direction for places to learn more would be greatly appreciated :)
Just like aromantic people can choose to engage in romantic relationships, and asexual people can choose to engage in sexual relationships, aplatonic people can chose to engage in platonic relationships/friendships.
I consider myself very aplatonic, but there are people who have made the effort to 'befriend' me despite that, and I enjoy our interaction and relationship. And you are right, the social benefit of having friends is extremely compelling.
this has most definitely been discussed here before but i honestly really do not like how "wanna be friends" is a question very quickly asked when meeting someone, and that declining it is socially perceived as rude
like, a lot of the time i just dont have the energy for that relationship??
Absolutely. It drives me nuts how now one acknowledges that they're asking for a huge commitment from you, and it's considered rude if you say no.
The dichotomy of friendship presented as casual and "no strings attached" vs friendship being presented as a sacred bond that you have to sacrifice your time and energy for.... it would be fascinating if it weren't hugely annoying.
*seeing your apl asks hours later*
Ah shit oh fuck, is there something else you would be ok with us calling y'all? Like is friends ok to say? D:
(Askin 'cause we Did Not Think About That and thats on us. Uh. You can answer on priv or public we just wanna make sure we did not jump to random labels you are uncomfortable w/ because we have definitely said "friend" a few times we THINK.)
I don't mind the term friend. I use the term "friend mail" for casual correspondence on the site!
Part of the problem with "friendship" in general is that our society has no way of categorizing the expectations for how casual or intense a "friendship" relationship is supposed to be.
I'm fine with people on tumblr considering me a casual "friend" and I consider people that way as well - in the meaning of someone I'm familiar with and on good terms with and perhaps share an interest.
If you want to borrow money, or have me help you move, or stay up until 3am on a phone call, we'll need to be on kissing terms first though /lighthearted
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
hate those "is it romantic or platonic attraction" quizzes that are like 'do you see yourself holding hands with them?" or "do you get excited when you find something in common?" like babe be more specific. i want to hold my friend's hands. i get excited when i find out i share an interest with someone.
We rly need to bring back the term āacquaintanceā like into regular and frequent use. So many high drama community squabbles and feelings of betrayal could be avoided if people just admitted thereās a step between āstrangerā and a full on friend whose friendship you have a commitment to continuing and fostering. Like sometimes youāre just aquatinted with someone and you might decide you donāt like them after getting to know them a bit betterā¦thatās very normal
