ilove people who work at front desks of things. i can walk into a building and go to the desk and i ask how do i do this thing. and then they just fucking tell me !!!!

i walked into my college found the first desk and asked hey where do i pay my student fees. did that. ok where i do find the academic advisor? got the general direction, went up to the first desk i saw, asked where to go to drop a class .awesome. went to the bookstore, walked up to the desk, asked how to find out what textbooks i need. and AGAIN they had answers for me. this is so cool thank you desk people

"average cat owner spends 3 years in prison" factoid actualy just statistical error. average owner spends 0 years in prison. Miette's mother, who kicked her body like the football and went to jail for One Thousand Years is an outlier adn should not have been counted

Reblogging this once again because, once again, it made me laugh.

Every time this makes me laugh so hard I almost barf idk why I'm so weak to this

One time, while working in the drive-thru, I accidentally mixed up "I'll see you at the window" and "I'll have it for you at the window" and said "I'll have you at the window."

Genuinely cackling

Mario creepypasta fundamentally doesn't work because you know what Mario would actually do if we saw some dimension-warping hundred-handed cosmic horror? He wouldn't lose his mind; he'd take one look at that Shin Megami Tensei looking fucker, pull out his dorky little mushroom-shaped cell phone, hit the fourth number down on his contact list, and go "hey, Kirby, I think-a one-a your boys got lost".

I'm cis, bi, and worried that if I go to queer events people will just see a white ginger who likes girls and girly boys and go "you're not queer enough. Get out."

Mood

hey dont let anyone make you feel that way. you're queer and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is a fed

When I wear a hat and sunglasses I look like I’m gonna call someone a slur and not in a funny “we reclaimed it way”

If anyone tells you "you aren't queer enough" you let me know and I'll break their jaw for you

i back that. ur my queer ass mutual :3

🌞 Good morning to everybody except ppl who think they don’t speak with an accent 🗣️

girl help i’m having creation ideas above my skill level

girl help i'm having creation ideas above my motivation level

girl help I’m having creation ideas above my free time level

isekai about a nyc apartment block getting teleported into a fantasy realm, and how this group of people who previously have only had incidental contact with one another come together to build a vibrant community in their new circumstances. there's a season-long arc about introducing bagels and pizza to the fantasy world that gets into the details of sourcing ingredients, developing new technologies, and learning how to work with supernatural substitutions.

“"idc any more, take the money and godspeed”“

Booby traps? Sure, I would easily fall into a trap if I saw boobs

it’s officially spring which means porridge weather is over and hozier is finally done making his oatmeal and can now again release MUSIC 

everyone who tags this post with an ominous phrase like ‘it’s time’ and then also adds ‘oatmeal’ is valid

hey. don’t cry. crush two cloves of garlic into a pot with a dollop of olive oil and stir until golden then add one can of crushed tomatoes a bit of balsamic vinegar half a tablespoon of brown sugar half a cup of grated parmesan cheese and stir for a few minutes adding a handful of fresh spinach until wilted and mix in pasta of your choice ok?