as if dnd needed more weird stuff

Trolling my biologist D&D player by sending the party on a quest to prevent the destruction of a mystical seal, and when they finally get there it quickly becomes clear that I'm actually describing a walrus.

I think it would be really wonderful if seagulls were constructed more like bottles with a mystery inside. What I'm imagining is that were you to catch one, you could then unscrew its face and there would be a glowing gem nestled in some sort of socket. The Core of the Gull so to speak. Then you could swap that around with other seagulls, and after screwing the faces back on they would fly off as if nothing happened. Hm... Is this too esoteric, or do some of you see what I am getting at?

beating up a cactus for hurting my friend (ow) (ow) (ow) (ow

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub

We need more women characters who are Male Protagonists. You know. Slightly haggard. She's splashing cold water on her face and gripping the edge of the sink staring in the mirror for a minute. She's coping badly with her deadwife

There are many fun reasons to have a character avoid using guns, but I think "this otherwise-awesome fighter is a really terrible shot" is an underappreciated one. Yes, they're available in my setting and would work against my enemies. No, I don't have a moral code against them or a power that makes them redundant. I just can't aim for shit!

In general IMO the more badass and hypercompetent a character is, the more they're enriched by having one skill they're just absolutely hopeless at. Terrible shot, terrible liar, terrible dancer, no poker face, no sense of direction, can't drive, can't swim, can't cook, can't read, always broke, always late, always falls for a certain trick...

happy birthday america. just one bite of hamburger would begin to degrade my body. much respect

this cheese was aged by sending it to the beach that makes you old

the great thing about the wuxia genre is you can start a sect called the Evil Blood Cult in a place called Demon Mountain that’s a volcano full of poison and you all wear crazy gothic black and red hanfu and practice Sinister Backstabber Style kung fu and like. that’s not a deterrent to prospective disciples. do all that and a fuckton of bright eyed youngsters will still show up at your door and say hello i would like to join the demon mountain evil blood cult where do i sign up?

Lockheed Martin was at my college's job fair

Item drop:  Potion of Being a Big Brave Girl.  Consume to automatically succeed on wisdom saves for the duration.

appley juice :)

appley juice

the most annoying part of being both a human and a painter is the OILS. not only am I ACTIVELY PRODUCING OILS from my HANDS which I need to use to MAKE THE ART (ergo: my oils are getting on my art #TERRIBLEDESIGN) but the OILS from my ART (linseed) are getting on my skin which LOVES OIL AND LETS IT RIGHT IN. one of us needs to stop being so oily and unfortunately it can't be me

fun facts with your favourite internet stranger: my hands are so oily that I once had to get my entire hand wrapped in gauze because a doctor tried five times to apply a plaster to a tiny wound (cat bit me but only got me with one side of his fat face ergo one bite mark) and failed every time (new plaster each time AND she was wiping my hand down with a paper towel each time). got called the "oiliest patient" she's "ever seen" which is awesome and also really sucks

do you like my Oily Stoiries. I have to be careful when holding glass jars

This post is: Bouba

so ummm welcome to my jar:) lemme show you around! theres some holes poked in the top so i can breathe, theres some leaves to munch on, and ive even got a twig! #mytwig

everywhere i go everyone compliments me on the particle cannons i attached to my body. they say things like "those look effective against armored targets, and also very precise" and then i blush cutely and obliterate a scrap car

"thanks I installed them myself 😊💜"

heist movie but one character has a freshwater aquarium at home and is stressing about his tank and his fish and how much they need a water change the entire film. he keeps trying to show everyone pictures of his 100 gallon bichir tank, no one gives a fuck.

And in the middle of important fights, we get shots of the tank just bc or tense moments tank guy closes his eyes and thinks of the fish and instead of calming him down it makes him worse bc THEY NEED A FUCKING CLEAN!!

Homie gonna share this