A SPOONIE STUDYBLR

kissing can and will, get boring.

its ok to go to sleep on opposite sides.

forgetting favorites, dates and replies is only human.

you dont have to like, or be friends with all of their friends and vice-versa.

they have a right to spend weekends dedicating to their friends and family. you have the same right.

privacy is still in play.

trying simple things that they like, no matter how much you are sure you will dislike it, is a very small step you can take to show your love to them.

you dont gotta have the same taste in music, food, books etc.

saying i love you, thank you, take care, please and i missed you really helps.

you cant agree with all their life decisions and they cant with yours. keeping an open mind and having an honest and deep discussion about it helps. 

they dont need your permission to do things and neither you need theirs.

the intention and care behind the gift matters. not its price tag. 

dont try and change them. help them become better versions of themselves and get the same help and support and care from them. 

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

Consider some kind of foraging activity. A lot of my family have ADHD and a lot of my clients have ADHD and I've noticed over the years that a LOT of folks with ADHD have brains beautifully wired for foraging. Enough of them found this before ever meeting me that the pattern became obvious. It seems to function a lot like meditation works for many people without ADHD. It's great for calming, centering, and dopamine production.

That could take many forms! I first noticed it with fruit/berry picking, and mushroom foraging. But I've seen wild herb foraging, and even trash pickup. Basically find a way to be outside, looking for something with a bit of demand for detail noticing, that gives you something for succeeding (like, for example, raspberries). My wife can spend 10 minutes picking raspberries in the ally of our city lot and come back visibly calmer and happier, and, you know, with raspberries.

Yes, even if you're neurodivergent. I don't have ADHD, but it is allegedly a thing with ADHD as well. And I am autistic, and after a bunch of nerve damage (severe enough that I was basically housebound for 6 months), I had to completely rebuild my ability to get my brain to Do Things from what felt like nearly scratch.

This is specifically from ADDitude magazine, so written specifically for ADHD (and while focused in large part on kids, also definitely includes adults and adult activities):

Here's a link on this for autism (though as an editor wow did that title need an editor lol):

Resources on this aren't great because they're mainly aimed at neurotypical therapists or parents of neurdivergent children. There's worksheets you can do that help a lot too or thought work you can do to sort of build the neuro-infrastructure for tasks.

But a lot of the stuff is just like. fun. Pulling from both the first article and my own experience:

Play games or video games where you have to make a lot of decisions. Literally go make a ton of picrews or do online dress-up dolls if you like. It helped me.

Art, especially forms of art that require patience, planning ahead, or in contrast improvisation

Listening to longform storytelling without visuals, e.g. just listening regularly to audiobooks or narrative podcasts, etc.

Meditation

Martial arts

Sports in general

Board games like chess or Catan (I actually found a big list of what board games are good for building what executive functioning skills here)

Woodworking

Cooking

If you're bad at time management play games or video games with a bunch of timers

Since the post I made last night about improving executive functioning was so popular, I figured I should pull these out of my comments and give them their own post, in case it's helpful for people.

I have worked with the publishers of all of the books linked below and can vouch for their psychology books. The publisher of most of them, New Harbinger, is an extremely credible evidence-based psychology publisher.

Obvious disclaimer that everyone's brain is different and what works for someone else may not work for you.

Is there evidence that executive functioning can be improved? Yes. This book appears to be a very thorough overview of the field, and contains both advocates and detractors of cognitive training, for a balanced perspective. From the table of contents, I would really recommend jumping straight to Part 3: Developmental Perspectives for executive functioning (EF) writ large.

Certain therapy modalities are specifically designed for skill-building in areas like impulsivity, decision-making, emotional regulation, and cognitive flexibility, all of which are EF skills or very dependent on EF skills. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is probably the best field to look at for these - skill-building in those areas is its core goal.

Some DBT workbooks:

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Teens

There are also a lot of workbooks for ADHD that are sometimes more broad but also can help with executive functioning:

The Adult ADHD and Anxiety Workbook: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Skills to Manage Stress, Find Focus, and Reclaim Your Life

The CBT Workbook for Adult ADHD: Evidence-Based Exercises to Improve Your Focus, Productivity, and Wellbeing

The Neurodivergence Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD

General executive functioning workbooks:

The Executive Functioning Workbook for Teens

Executive Functioning Workbook for Adults: Exercises to Help You Get Organized, Stay Focused, and Achieve Your Goals

learn to coupon

what to do when you can’t afford therapy

cleaning your bathroom

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

stress management

quick fix meals

find out if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

resume workshop

organize your closet

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

what you should bring to a doctor’s appointment

what’s a mortgage?

how to pick a health insurance plan

hotlines list

your first gynecology appointment

what to do if the cops pull you over

things to have in your car in case of emergency

my moving out masterpost

how to make friends as an adult (video)

how to do taxes (video)

recommended reads for surviving adulthood (video)

change a flat tire (video)

how to do laundry (video)

opening a bank account (video)

laundry cheat sheet

recipes masterpost

tricks to help you sleep more

what the fuck should you make for dinner?

where should you go for drinks?

alcohol: know your limits

easy makeup tips

find seat maps for your flight

self-defense tips

prevent hangovers

workout masterpost

how to write a check

career builder

browse careers

birth control information

financial management software & app (free)

my mental health masterpost

my college applications masterpost

how to jumpstart a car

I’ve noticed that a lot of us on tumblr like to be involved in smaller groups as well, whether this be discord servers or facebook groups or any sort of group chat. Unfortunately, a lot of us also have experiences with groups that had turned out to be toxic or even traumatizing. The warning signs for a toxic group can be really hard to pick up on. Luckily, there’s a great tool that can be used to measure how toxic a group is!

TW for mentions of cults & cult abuse in the link below -

https://freedomofmind.com/bite-model/

This is The BITE Model. It was a checklist created to help assess how cult-like a group is under four different types of control: Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional. This is NOT a tool for figuring out if something is a cult or not. The reason why I’m suggesting this checklist is that it can help measure how toxic a group is, even if they’re not a cult.

We have ADHD. Sometimes we’ll get it on you. We don’t do it on purpose, it’s just not something we can control all that easily.

I recommend you find ways to enjoy the goo with us. It’ll make everything far more pleasant.