little dove

(here being manipulative is not unethical because you are disempowered and dependent on caregivers who have shown that they will withdraw their care and hurt you if you are emotionally honest)

and then you find yourself in adult relationships and realise that you have learnt to be manipulative and so endeavour to learn other modes of behaviour that are forthright and respectful

it might still seem manipulative because it is a conscious choice and you have no way of knowing that it isn't a means to an end if you have never had the safety to enjoy honesty for its own sake

other traumatised people who are hypervigilant about manipulation might respond strongly to that if they sense that your words dont match your body and that is okay and not about you

they might be looking for people that have very little ambiguity between intention and action for their own perceived safety which is not necessarily realistic amongst adults but i do not fault them for it

it might also be jarring to people who did not have to learn how to be honest and that is also okay and not about you

that doesn't mean that it is okay to pressure others into the outcomes that you want after using the "right words" or saying the "right things"

that is entitlement (a title comes from ownership and no one can ever be owned)

but it is human to try something on and practice and be stilted before it flows naturally