FemboyCloudStrife

Cloud, I’m sorry

I’m sorry you dressed as a girl to protect your friends

and Don Corneo put his hands on your ass

I’m sorry I needed your strength to dress up as a girl

To save myself

And my Don Corneo put his hands on my ass

I know you were scared

And you looked so pretty

And everyone told you

And you hugged someone tightly because you were happy to be the prettiest flower in Wallmarket

And I was the most beautiful piece of cake at the wedding

And the father of the bride violated me in my wedding dress

And Don Corneo raped you in his bed before Tifa and Aerith came in

I’m so sorry

IT IS EIGHT PILLS TO MAKE SURE I AM READY TO BE PERFECTLY LOVED. ONE FOR HORMONES TO TRANSITION. THREE FOR THE FRONT END FOR THE ACID THAT BURNS MY THROAT AND I CAN’T GIVE HIM HEAD. NO, FOUR. FOUR FOR THE ACID. FOUR FOR THE BURN. FOUR EVERY MORNING, DAY, AND NIGHT FOR MY STOMACH THAT CHURNS POISON INTO MY HEAD AND SKIN AND BONE AND TEARS THE INSIDE LIMB FROM LIMB BEFORE THE HOUSE’S CONSTRUCTION CAN BE DONE. THREE FOR THE BACK END FOR MY BUTT BECAUSE MY STOMACH IS SO IN PAIN ALL THE TIME THAT I DON’T GO TO THE BATHROOM NORMALLY BECAUSE AS AN UNLOVED BOTTOM, OF COURSE THE HUMORS HUMOR ME BY PUTTING THE PAIN IN MY STOMACH WHERE I’M MEANT TO BE LOVED THE MOST AS REWARD FOR YEARS UNDONE WITHOUT TOUCH. THEN THERE ARE MORE, MORE THAN FOUR, MORE THAN I CAN COUNT WITHOUT HOLDING THEM IN MY HAND, A HANDFUL SO LARGE OF EMOTIONAL BALANCE PILLS TO KEEP MY THYROID FROM PUMPING ME FULL OF STRESS, SO MANY THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY THERE ARE, NAMES I DON’T REMEMBER ON BOTTLES I SEE EVERY DAY OF HOW MUCH I SPEND TO MAKE SURE I FEEL OKAY WHEN THE EIGHT PILLS THAT I TAKE TO BE LOVED ARE NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE OTHER THIRTY OR SO MORE THAT ARE FOR THE REST OF LIFE NEED TO BE TAKEN TO EVEN CONCEPTUALIZE HAVING FUN.

IT IS EIGHT PILLS TO MAKE SURE I AM READY TO BE PERFECTLY LOVED. ONE FOR HORMONES TO TRANSITION. THREE FOR THE FRONT END FOR THE ACID THAT BURNS MY THROAT AND I CAN’T GIVE HIM HEAD. NO, FOUR. FOUR FOR THE ACID. FOUR FOR THE BURN. FOUR EVERY MORNING, DAY, AND NIGHT FOR MY STOMACH THAT CHURNS POISON INTO MY HEAD AND SKIN AND BONE AND TEARS THE INSIDE LIMB FROM LIMB BEFORE THE HOUSE’S CONSTRUCTION CAN BE DONE. THREE FOR THE BACK END FOR MY BUTT BECAUSE MY STOMACH IS SO IN PAIN ALL THE TIME THAT I DON’T GO TO THE BATHROOM NORMALLY BECAUSE AS AN UNLOVED BOTTOM, OF COURSE THE HUMORS HUMOR ME BY PUTTING THE PAIN IN MY STOMACH WHERE I’M MEANT TO BE LOVED THE MOST AS REWARD FOR YEARS UNDONE WITHOUT TOUCH. THEN THERE ARE MORE, MORE THAN FOUR, MORE THAN I CAN COUNT WITHOUT HOLDING THEM IN MY HAND, A HANDFUL SO LARGE OF EMOTIONAL BALANCE PILLS TO KEEP MY THYROID FROM PUMPING ME FULL OF STRESS, SO MANY THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY THERE ARE, NAMES I DON’T REMEMBER ON BOTTLES I SEE EVERY DAY OF HOW MUCH I SPEND TO MAKE SURE I FEEL OKAY WHEN THE EIGHT PILLS THAT I TAKE TO BE LOVED ARE NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE OTHER THIRTY OR SO MORE THAT ARE FOR THE REST OF LIFE NEED TO BE TAKEN TO EVEN CONCEPTUALIZE HAVING FUN.

Asking for help

How can i ask for help when the helper hurts

The help isnt even help

How could you help even

You who made the mark

You arent a big dicked goth man

Who i starve myself for so i can be picked up and spun without resistance when he finds me

And says

Finally

Its you

Everything you went through

Was to be here right now where i am

By chance

Your grief propelled you into my arms

You only have to be seen once this one time

But the eyes are getting heavier and the crown slips further from your head

And you might really miss him this time

Just trying to survive now is holding on with the skin of my teeth

When you get attacked at the hospital and you are repeatedly forced into the hospital over your lifetime and hospitals are where you try to hurt yourself the most and the person you would say i need hospital to tries to put you in another hospital after rescuing you from one where they just attacked you in a crowd of 8 pairs of hands, I was thrown three times and restrained for being a trans girl with dehydration sickness and panic attacks, and i was restrained and watched by 6 security guards almost all night and thrown three times

I had very few female abusers in my life beofe that night and now there are the names face hands bodies stories of 5 women who helped 3 men pick me out of my hospital bed begging to be left alone when they threw me 3 times and restrained me forcibly leaving ligature marks on my arms and hands

I dont want to go out anymore. You people dont deserve me, i dont deserve this, or you,

Loneliness as a hooker makes you the smartest thing in the room

I spend most of my time outdoors

The outside is my room

I am the smartest girl standing in every room

I walk alone and limousines on my block come up to me promising to give me everything they’ve got

I tell them no, they literally have not a clue what can be done to someone in a confined space with a limited amount of time and budget

Do not kill me,

Wish me a good morning,

My sadness is a lighthouse for an Angel of Mercy