Drabble about whatever Cleo and Joe are up to, or coffee shop shenanigans? 👀
Tell me how to reach you - Cleo and Joe open several lines of unconventional communication in Joe’s answering machine.
Howdy, this is Joe Hills recording this message from Nashville, Tennessee. If you’re looking for a Joe Hills not in Tennessee, you have the wrong number. If you’re looking for Joe Hills from Nashville, Tennessee, or if you just don’t care which Joe Hills you’re calling, start talking after the beep.
Hi, Joe. I am, frankly, freaking out quite a lot right now so I’d appreciate a call. A serious call, and I know you’re going to think I’m kidding, but I want to have a serious call with you about dreams. And... possibly past lives. I know you’re thinking to yourself that this is clearly some kind of trick or joke, which is exactly why you should listen to how much I am trying not to panic right now and call me back, seriously. Not meaning to threaten you for once, I mean be serious when you call. Please and thank you.
Howdy, this is Joe Hills recording this message from Nashville, Tennessee. If you’re looking for a Joe Hills not in Tennessee, you have the wrong number. If you’re looking for Joe Hills from Nashville, Tennessee, or if you just don’t care which Joe Hills you’re calling, start talking after the beep.
Hi, Joe, it’s me again. Do not call when I’m asleep or I will be very, very cross. I did mean to threaten you that time. Okay, talk soon.
Howdy, this is Joe Hills recording this message from Nashville, Tennessee. Currently I am requesting all correspondance be sent via dreams, as I will not be checking this voicemail during my astral communication experiment to prevent information contamination. If it's not time sensitive or you're trying to talk to someone who isn't me, go ahead and leave a message after the beep.
Hello, Joe, this is - this is not what I expected earlier when you told me you were going to try something out to help me. How am I supposed to explain what I learn to you if you won't - Joe. I wanted to tell you the dreams are definitely real, we are up to a whole three and a half confirmed dream-sharers, but that doesn't mean I have been gifted long distance telepathy. I hope I'm the boogeyman in your dream tonight, you hear me? Dream of that and call me about it. In great and gory detail, I can't wait to hear it.
Howdy, this is Joe Hills recording this message from Nashville, Tennessee. If it's bad or urgent, leave me a message - otherwise, all good news is best transmitted by thinking really hard and sending it to my dreams. I am no longer accepting nightmares, bad omens, curses, or threats of bodily harm by that medium, but you can leave them after the beep if you really want.
Joe, I wouldn't have to leave you threats of bodily harm in your voicemail if you didn't keep talking to me only through your answering machine. I don’t know whether to be upset because you’re being stubborn about this, or delighted that maybe I do have long-rage telepathy that allows me to express my displeasure with you. I would be much happier if you would call me back, though.
Howdy, this is Joe Hills recording this message from Nashville, Tennessee and pleased to announce I’m now accepting correspondance about dreams in addition to correspondence by dreams, which is still the best way to reach me. If you don’t care about my preferences or who you’re reaching, feel free to leave a message after the beep.
Of course you’d be somehow already be asking for - Joe, listen. Last night I dreamt you owed me roundabouts six million and were trying to weasel your way out of it by making - what would you have called it, some kind of Rube Goldberg problem machine - you were creating inconveniences so I’d have to let you fix them for a credit. Which was incredibly, predictably obnoxious of you, but it was also incredibly predictable. It was exactly what I would’ve done if I were in your shoes and I dreamt I knew that for absolutely certain. You are always like this, every time, all of the times. Do you get it? You were almost charming, building me my - well, if you’re serious about this dream telepathy... thing... you can call me back and tell me what you made. I know you do listen to these eventually, despite what you said before. Don’t make me wait too long.
Howdy, this is Joe Hills recording this message from Nashville, Tennessee. Voicemails are places you leave messages for people, like, “Cleo,” you could start, if you were trying to call someone named Cleo and not Joe Hills, “I got your dream! I thought it was really sweet how you negotiated down instead of killing me like you wanted to. I’ll call you at the usual Wednesday time to compare notes.” As always, you’re welcome to leave your own contextless missive that may or may not be reaching the right ears at the wrong time since you so kindly just listened to mine. Just don’t start talking until after the beep - or do, I’m not the boss of you.
I can’t believe I’m confirming plans this way. You’re going to have to tell me about all the other voicemails you’ve gotten when we talk tomorrow, which you probably already know whether you listen to this or not. I was convinced we had a standing Monday arrangement... maybe I am going crazy after all, who knows? Or maybe it’s just because it’s you. You are just the worst, every single stupid version. I suppose I’ll have to keep putting up with this until tomorrow at least.
Howdy, Cleo. Of course I listen to you, especially all the stuff you’re not saying. You’re my friend, and I’ll listen tomorrow too. If you’re not Cleo, standard disclaimers and preferences still apply until otherwise stated. You know the drill.
You know what - nevermind an apology. I had a feeling. Talk tomorrow, Joe. Sweet dreams.
