mess of gorgeous chaos.

"You know, if you are hiding from somebody, you should give me a heads-up if this is a person that would kick down my door and put us in danger," Mhir managed to say as much while being rather casual, serving them a cup of coffee. It didn't seem the thought would be stressful to him at all, but the reasons wouldn't be their concern.

"It is quite obvious, you keep glancing out of the window and at your watch." He added, sitting down on the other chair, pulling the second cup close to bring it to his lips. "If you do not want to tell me because you think there is no need to, that is also okay and we can simply go back to the usual topics."

"Well, we had plans to go to the restaurant first," he joked and tilted his head. He wasn't too worked up about the topic from before; if anything, Reiya had gotten used to talking himself through life. People often judged him for being strict with money when he had blond hair, assuming it must be expensive. Not like he could tell them this was his natural color and his mother was a mystical being from the sea. Same with the idea that being a dancer for an established TV broadcaster meant he was rich, even though he was sitting at the very bottom of entertainment pay grades.

"We will have to make them properly jealous, so the way to go is definitely to sit at a nice table and enjoy lots and lots of food, looking like we have the best time." Which wasn't even a lie. What was more enjoyable than eating a meal together? He could already hear Arata agreeing somewhere in the distance. His friend would scold him for not doing it more often once he learned about his newest addition to the friendship circle.

"aa..aaahh.. we did.." her lashes flutter as she blinks a few times, tilting her head as she had forgotten their plans. "but i'm not really.. i'm not really dressed for a restaurant." but her head was throbbing. she had a splitting headache. it shows when she groans, pressing a palm to her forehead. this might have given it away, if he could pick up on her actions. she tries to dismiss the pain, suddenly stretching her hands in the sky and yawning. the stretch takes over her whole body, shakes a bit, and covers her mouth again since she still smelled of alcohol. maybe, not her clothes, but.

well. she wasn't sure.

"who are we... making jealous again.." her head still tilted, curious as to who he was referring to. "but we can do that after i get my mints. or at least-- since i was heading home. can i freshen up? but you're already out.. aghh.." she didn't think it was good timing. would he wait? she'd be quick. what a terrible encounter. she wasn't super ashamed of her activities, but for some reason, she did not want him to see her like this. he had already cared for her when she had sprained her ankle. stupid moment, by the way. "you know, i have a good time with you, anyway. the best time, i mean. anytime we share a meal or even take pictures!!" maybe it just came naturally to then?

⸝⸝ ☾⭒.˚ ⦮ ⦯⋆.˚ river  watched  her  the  whole  time  she  talked.  the  way  her  brows  knit  when  she  explained,  the  way  she  bit  the  eraser  like  it  might  bite  back,  the  way  her  voice  sharpened  when  she  said  brain.  he  didn’t  interrupt  her  once,  even  when  she  swore,  even  when  the  weight  of  what  she  carried  slipped  through  in  little  cracks.  if  anything,  his  expression  softened.

“  yeah,”  he  murmured,  quieter  now,  “  i  know.  that’s…  a  hell  of  a  responsibility.  ”  then,  with  a  small  tilt  of  his  head  and  a  hint  of  a  grin,  “  guess  that  makes  you  terrifying  in  the  best  way.  ”

he  snorted  when  she  poked  him.  “  me?  stubborn?  ”  his  eyebrow  lifted.  “  you’re  the  one  chewing  your  pencil  like  it  owes  you  money.  ”

the  pen  clattered  to  the  floor  and  he  reacted  instantly,  leaning  down  to  scoop  it  up  before  it  slid  any  farther.  “  relax,  ”  he  said,  holding  it  up  between  two  fingers  like  a  peace  offering.  “  favorite  pen  secured.  ”  he  passed  it  back,  deliberately  brushing  his  knuckles  against  her  knee  because–-  yeah,  he  noticed  that  little  nudge  too.

then  she  was  hitting  him–-  actually  hitting  him–-  and  he  laughed,  catching  one  of  her  wrists  easily  but  letting  her  pull  free,  amused  rather  than  defensive.  “  violence  already?  ”  he  teased.  “  and  here  i  thought  you  were  supposed  to  heal  people.  ”

when  she  pulled  back  and  started  the  quiz,  river  straightened  a  little,  rolling  his  shoulders  like  he  was  gearing  up  for  something  serious.  he  glanced  at  the  ceiling  for  half  a  second,  counting  in  his  head,  then  looked  back  at  her–-  eyes  bright,  grin  confident.

there's a little bit of tension when the words weigh on her mind. hell of a responsibility. and that's what she would take. it was heavy, though, the whole reason she wanted to was to combat those who did not take it. not every death is guilty. she knows this. but...

her thoughts drift, not wanting to think too deeply about it. not when she had an exam to worry about. "you, stubborn!" she repeats, taking the pencil out of her mouth while huffing. "i'm just.. focusing. trying to focus. i don't have gum on me. they say that if you chew gum while studying, then chew the same gum while you're taking the test.. you'll remember the content you were studying." silly. she never tried it. should she?

"i am relaxed!" though, she clearly wasn't. even though he had eased some of the stress off of her shoulders, it did not erase the fact that she still had the test. but she allows her shoulders to droop, taking the pen and almost smacking him with it. but. she should show him some mercy. she had forgotten about her plan, anyway, when his knuckles brush against her knee. it had almost jerked under his touch. don't do that.

she furrows her eyebrows and then bites at her tongue. "you know! i used to be---" no no. now is not the time to bring secrets to the table. not like this. so she only huffs her cheeks and hits him again. one last time. "i do both." she rolls her eyes.

and when he does his best-- really-- to answer the pop quiz she had given him-- she sits up with a bit of pride in her smile. it was short term memory, but he had gotten most of it correctly. "you had some things mixed up but.. good job, river." she chuckles, her free hand reaching out to ruffle his hair.

oh.

but she hadn't meant to do that- really. it was.. it felt.. anyway. she takes her hand back and now pats at his knee multiple times. "yeah. patella. femur. greater and lesser trochanter. you missed that one." silly.

After the routine checks that the main door and gates showed no signs of tampering, that the apartment was secure, they discarded their shoes and their jackets. The blinds, too, were down. The intimacy of the space could almost be touched. Iwai certainly felt tension, but more than that, a hint of comforting sweetness. "Want a drink? Water, I mean." Though he made his way to the kitchen already, fetching two glasses, and placing each beneath the water dispenser.

she follows him as he does his job, checking everything to make sure nothing was tampered or broken into. good that he's meticulous about these things, or else he wouldn't be here in the first place. not that hyejung was absentminded either - just - it was nice to be looked out for. even if it thanks to her father's training. she wonders, would he do this willingly, too? "isn't this--" my room? but he wanders around like it is his home. naturally. spaces he's been in many times that he might have a blueprint of it naturally absorbed in his heart. oh. that thought really pained her. she lets her guard down, slightly, seeing that he was attentive to where things were. that she would have wanted water (or maybe he was just courteous!) after their long night of drinking.

The mention of a game immediately paused any other line of questioning Junho was about to follow. A man in a suit playing a game. Even as his mind was processing that valuable piece of information, he still listened to what she said after, despite it mainly being a complaint about his dissuasion of violence.

“Look, I get it. You have the right to defend yourself if you’re attacked, but I don’t want you going after him to get your revenge. This isn’t a drama.” And too many of these young people liked to charge in and dish out “justice” or get themselves further involved even when law enforcement was called to the scene.

well. because. she's seen things happen firsthand.

people brush it off, saying it was not their business. but in fact, it was hyejung's business, with her friend involved.

her mind had traveled farther than expected, she had disassociated from the conversation for a hot minute before being brought back in from his voice. it was. a little calming? had a sense of direction. "this isn't a drama, but what if he deserves it?" she poises the question, hands now crossed with head tilted. people think change happens with peace. it starts with violence.

"You cover your answer as if you are scared I will look," came Ilya's Russian accent, rising above the noise and laughter at another table. "Why would I look at wrong answer?"

He was definitely right because he was certain he'd heard his teammate, Marleau, talk about this before! His gaze turning from the host when his competitor asked about the cocktails, he shrugged and made a face at her.

"You are little girl who can't buy own cocktails? And what if I am poor?" He wasn't poor by a long shot and would have been revealed if he'd driven here in one of his many sports cars. But he did not drive here, as Ilya was a responsible person (sometimes) and would not drive while drinking!

The host was laughing at them both, encouraging their antics until it was time to reveal the answer.

"And the correct answer goes to—neither of you!"

"What? Are you serious?" Ilya stood up as if he would somehow be able to see the host's card despite sitting a fair distance away. "You have read wrong answer then! Wait, wait, I look it up." He took out his phone, tapped the question into Google, confident that there was a mistake in the quiz...

And then realized that, yes, he was somehow wrong.

"Well. This is very awkward."

"you're too cocky!!" she narrows her eyes, straightening her posture now. because here's the thing. even if she is wrong, she just told him that she could admit it!! and!! she could learn!! there's so much knowledge in the world!!

when he mentions that she's a little girl, she scowls. "using age against me now to say i can't afford my cocktails? hush!! i can but if you can too, then why are you playing? of couuurse people want to have something for free, and it's best when won! the satisfaction!" she huffs, almost about to step on this man's shoe.

and even though she was wrong, seeing him in denial made her lips curl up in a devious way. "haaaaah." she keeps the smile on her face, laughing as she throws her head back now. she puts her hair up in a ponytail - it's getting serious. "and you didn't believe him!! gosh. sorry to the host. he's in denial." she turns and pouts, now preparing herself for the next question.

she shoots a glare at the man, making a swipe across her neck with her thumb as if she was threatening him. slightly, but it was just a friendly competition! she didn't mean it.

Her olive eyes narrowed into judgemental slits, threatening to cast aspersions in his direction. But he was right. Gold shimmer danced in the florescent light of the library as her lids closed. Not having to see the numbers on the page gave her momentary reprieve, long enough for Quinn to draw a deep breath in, hoping to pull any semblance of peace in along with it. It filled her lungs, lifting her shoulders and chest with reassurance. Determination then took its place upon her exhale. His words were able to reach her, though they barely made a difference from the prior three explanations. Nothing was different from what had already been stated. Between him and their professors, she felt as if she were in a loop. 'There. That was it,' she realized. The method and its steps didn't register -- not completely. However, his strategy had. The pencil was now in his grasp, giving Quinn the chance to think clearly, without the pressure of writing literally in her hands. "I'm not mad at the the test. I'm mad at myself," her lips pursed, preventing a sharp addition to the statement from escaping. A moment further was taken and she sucked in the hollows of her cheeks, gently biting on the flesh, rethinking her phrasing. "What's frustrating is the way you're trying to rush me into understanding. You're not presenting any of this," delicate hands motioned towards the papers and textbook, "in a way that's different from the way it's taught in class. How do you expect me to catch on if you're just repeating the exact thing that isn't easy to digest in the first place? Let alone in a way that would leave an auctioneer at a loss for words."

for most people, at least. for him, he had to. there was no choice, but it would be a lie to say that he did not feel some relief, also. the moment she mentions what had gone wrong in her head, junseok sits back, a little proud of himself even if he was not going at a pace that she was used to. "see. i know you tell me what you can't get right, but if i just show you how to do it, versus you having to work for it, it wouldn't have the same satisfaction." that's what he truly thought.

he takes a moment for her to be able to let it settle in her brain before continuing to solve the problem in front of her. "mad at yourself." that's valid. he repeats it, though continues to unravel the problem. "i think you are looking for some sympathy. for someone to slow it down and hold your hand to guide you and make sure you understand. i'm looking for you to understand, yes, but this world is too fast for me to slow it down for you. and plus, you have extra hours outside of class to do this. others don't." he's honest, a hint of his own experiences lie in his own words. had he rushed her into understanding? or was that the way his brain worked? so he puts the pencil down, hands raised as if he was surrendering before pushing the paper towards her. "okay. i'll let you have some time to think, then. without me explaining. it's not easy, you say. but it is just numbers. numbers will always have a solution, versus open ended questions like in literature classes. and since there's always a solution, there's always a pattern." he pauses.

"we used to." she says, as if it would unlock a memory for him. and she wonders why she used to treat him so differently - though - it was as plain as day. treat the person you like differently that you treat others. and everyone but him, knew. some might have called it desparate. she called it ambitious.

so yes. it was a shame that he did not remember her. a bit of a disappointment, but this meant that she could start new. if he could not really remember, there could be another angle she could jab at. she raises an eyebrow at his joke, it makes her laugh. just one short note, holding onto the glass full of wine. he takes a sip and she takes one too.

"If we get caught, we might be in trouble. You more than I, as you brought in a stranger to campus," Reiya spoke this thought out loud. He was always first concerned about his friends and their safety. Maybe a little too serious at times, but he was like that. That playful little smile slipped across his lips: "But I sure have some outfits that would work well, maybe some glasses. We can skip the smart part and I just show up during a lunch break. How about that? I'll pick some wildly specific lecture they offer most would not take and go for another university. As your muse, it seems logical you would invite me to your campus. They don't need to know."

Yes, he was encouraging it. They were too young to let all chances pass by, after all. As long as there was no risk of getting in trouble with something important, Reiya could be counted in. "Ah, Yuma is a retired paramedic; he takes those things seriously, but that also makes him a great fit. If he says you should be fine, then there really ain't much to worry about." Also, one of his most trusted friends as a whole, who would not ask too many questions, but was easy to get along with.

she blinks a few times. was it not-- princess treatment? she didn't really know. she had to take care of herself over the years due to the negligence of her family members. it was tough, so she could not really decipher what was what sometimes, even if it was something simple. there's a weight lifted off of her shoulders, letting out a relieved sigh. she's glad that he thinks that way. "we--" watch it together? it was as if he had known her love language and it slipped out so naturally. she lights up, forgetting that she was injured at all. "i want to!!" she exclaims, almost sitting up, but the pain in her foot stopped her. "ack--" she reaches for her foot, head drooping from doing such a move. "okay.. okay. i'll.. figure out a movie." maybe something that dealt with comedy. 21 jump street? she needed to laugh the pain away.

　𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐒 ? 𝐎𝐑, 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐍𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐀 𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐘 ? the daughter of the wilds was a creature rife with abundance: an idyllic garden abloom with flora and fauna, with vices and virtues and sins, with corpses buried beneath the soil of her tremulous lungs and ghosts haunting the caverns of her ancient heart. but even so, she was ignorant to the concepts that were now presented to her: not on a plate of gold - trimmed silver, but in the tremendous midst of half - chewed thoughts and cruelly strangled sentiments. her curiosity ( embroidered at the edges by a sense of confusion that was almost puerile in its immaculate flavor ) was obvious to see in the way her lashes fluttered, in the tightening of her once mischievous smile and the languid motions of her facial muscles as she chewed and finally swallowed.

was it her fault, had her absence given birth to such grim and bleak notions in the heart of the young woman ? had she unconsciously planted the seed of such an agonizing unhappiness where thistles and primroses ought to blossom ? the ghost of a capricious moue made her rose - tinged lips pucker, even as she quietly followed hyejung towards the nearby bench. ahri knew, with a certainty that was entirely if boldly appropriate for such an ancient being, that her understanding of humans was flawed and imperfect⸻ they were fragile little things, perpetually and foolishly lost in the woes of their ephemeral existence to see the beauty of the world.

a huff. half - complaint, half - sigh. ❝ but what is it that you are lacking ? is it money that you yearn for, golden riches and luxurious apartments ? you know that i could easily give you all that ... but it is foolish to search for happiness in such cold things. ❞ there was wisdom to be found there, betwixt honey - sweet vowels and whiny consonants, hidden away lest she sounds like an old boring grandma scolding a too rebellious child. with a swift motion, she deftly stole a dumpling but its taste did not yet grace her maw ; she was pensive, too much so. plopping down on the cold bench, ahri recalled the last few weeks ... months ? she could not precisely recall. ❝ a young man came to me, asking to become my acolyte so i had to test him and his resolve. i sent him back in time because i wanted to see how he would have reacted to an entirely unfamiliar world, and he was a huge disappointment. at one point, he saw a boar and started crying, how embarrassing. not longer after that, he flirted with the daughter of a warlord and almost got himself killed ... why do i always end up with such dumb people at my temple ? i deserve better. ❞

was it foolish for hyejung to yearn for something that people around her had obtained so easily? even if it was not, that's how it was painted to hyejung. on days that were supposed to be happy, people knew who to call and who to turn to. many exclaims of "i got an a on my test!" where said to parents, to best friends that had been cheering them on the sidelines. where was that person for hyejung? hell, could she even ask for it to be more than one person? for one person would only be a burden. to handle all the achievements and failures alone.

guess that was hyejung's burden to carry. a misfortune it was, to not be able to indulge in such happiness. it seemed so simple to others. as she had thought earlier, she now understands the taste of happiness. to be cared for, willingly, and for it to be stripped away as it had not been her choice.

of course. she would feel a type of way.

but she did not want to resent ahri, no. there were important matters for everyone. and not everyone could fill in a void that deep. still. she.. could not help it? and was it a sin for her to reveal her true feelings to someone who knew her better than others?

she huffs, a little bit of a bite back from ahri's statement. of course not!! is what she wanted to exclaim, but ahri had already made up for it in her answer. it was material things that hyejung found cold, just like what was nipping at their ears. so she simply shakes her head, both knowing that it would not be enough for hyejung. the money. money caused many problems that she did not want to think about.

ahri talks about something hyejung does not really have a grasp on. but she listens. and as she listens, she thinks, fuck. i could do better. and it was a little more on the selfish end, wanting ahri to stay. "but don't you have many others that may be capable? why don't you take your chance on them?" she plops a dumpling in her mouth, allowing the soup to ooze into her tastebuds. let's skip the conversation about ahri's absence and make the attention on her.

and quiet he remains when junseok speaks up again, reiterating that they might stick together, but they'll never be close. so maybe they won't, or maybe they won't. even jiwon is not immune to the glimmer of hope that comes with company. just last week, he'd been sitting at an entirely different table. today, they're practically sitting face-to-face. junseok insists he isn't close to anyone, but that's not entirely true, right?

people bullied you for that, too.

there was no winner for people like them. that's what it seemed to be. and junseok believed to shut things down rather than look for the hope in it. because that's how it usually ended up. any piece of hope would be crushed, and the main prize is having good grades. since that is all he is. good grades and a body that walks the earth. "then. i will acknowledge you from today and onward. don't shy away now, either. now that i know you exist." fully. he had been aware of who were in his classes, taking mental notes in order to not stir shit if it was not in his favor. though, jiwon did not seem to be a threat. let's hope that it was true.

he looked like a poor puppy that had been stuck in the rain for a long time. it hits him, only a little bit, but he sticks to his business. they leave lunch and walk along the corridor, now leading into a bully's favorite room: the changing room.

junseok looks next to him to make sure jiwon is still there. he didn't want to order him, just, push him a bit. he could not be scared. if things happened, things happened. but junseok would make sure he'd protect him.

why? he did not know.