unbecome

joonwoo waits quietly for ashe’s answer, though a bright, expectant smile remains on his features, if not for the slight nervousness that has crept upon his face. now, it would be rather awkward if ashe decides to reject the offer, though joonwoo can’t and won’t blame him for it considering how the idea is amittedly rather rash. his smile widens when ashe finally voices his agreement, finding his boyfriend’s answer to so endearing that it manages to drawl a laugh out of him. “well, duh.” joonwoo teases as if the answer cannot be any more obvious, and it can’t. after all, who in their right mind would suggest moving in together if they’re not entirely smitten with their partner. “glad you noticed, baby.” he swallows a chuckle when ashe buries his face against the nape of his neck, feeling the blush on the other’s cheeks. “it’s okay.” he brushes the back of ashe’s head gently, “long distance relationships like ours are never easy.” and that would remain his curse for as long as he sticks to his athletic career. “i’m glad you were honest with me.” so he’d know how to try and chase away those doubts in ashe’s head.

he scoots closer and she doesn’t lean back, instead she remains where she is, doll-like gaze staring at him like he’s the only thing that she sees. “how — what did i do?” she asks, her voice perfectly innocent though a glimpse of mischief sparks in her eyes. beneath her collected surface, her rationality is at war with her more primal desires. she knows she should steer clear of him and cling to what remains of her professionalism, but it’s difficult when the memories are still so vivid. if it’s wrong to be with him, then why does it feel this right? maybe she can live with this fiasco a little longer, let herself be selfish just until production wraps and this becomes a forgotten part of their pasts. his hand brushes over her arm and she instinctively leans in, her lips grazing against his skin, a subtle kiss that shouldn’t be. “if it has anything to do with the script, you only have yourself to blame.”

seoah can feel her heart faltering hopelessly when he tucks her scarf to keep her warmer, the soft wool brushing against her skin. how pathetic, when she knows it’s all part of an act and she is meant to be a master of her craft with her accolades garnered over time. she nods at his question, a reminder that pulls her from her dazed trance back to the present. right — they are actors with a mission to accomplish and there’s an expiry date to the pr relationship they are told to maintain. but if everything is simply for the cameras, how is she supposed to rationalise the warmth she feels on her cheeks? “we should.” she agrees with a smile, “i’ll go get changed and let’s meet again in fifteen minutes?” they will be slightly late for their reservation due to how filming has overrun slightly, but she doesn’t think it’s much of a problem. slipping into the seat next to his inside the car, she buckles up quickly and makes herself focus on the road instead. “i heard the restaurant serves the best desserts in town,” she attempts at small talk, trying not to think about the tingles left from the scene earlier, the ghost of the kiss that she can still feel from the kiss. “i could use a treat after this week.”

minki has never let himself be led by fear. polar plunges into the icy depths are something that he had never blinked to dive into. this uncharted territory, however, had been one that he did not want to dip even a singular toe into. it feels already like the two of them have been wading at the deep end, keeping each other afloat while refusing to acknowledge the support that they offer each other. minki is no more eager to have this discussion than hana is, but it has become a necessity at this stage of the game. he had to know what piece she plays on the board, a strategic man at the root of him. if he could focus on that, then he could do this. as if it would be feasible to keep emotions out of this conversation. eyelashes fluttering, he inhales upon hana's first confession. one that he could relate to. every time that is hurt, every time she puts herself at risk, there is a lurch in his heart. he is not accustomed to it. there are many members of panacea. he doesn't know many of their faces, let alone many of their names. jason is a solid presence, has been for decades, but outside of him, there is no one else that has held any significance to him other than their usefulness. anyone could be a pawn, anyone could be a sacrifice. she could not. somehow, she had carved a space in his life, beside him, that has rendered her unreplaceable. "it is a liability." there is no point in mincing words about it. "you know it as well as i. this fear...one that we share," the admission is heavy o his tongue. "it can be used against us." this is the part where he should cut her loose, sever the thread between them. "and yet — here i am. here you are. we are alive, are we not? we have faced ambushes before, confrontations that we should not have walked away from. we did. a part of me wonders...wants to consider that we could be stronger together." that, perhaps, maybe, the rewards could outweigh the risks.

the confession has slipped without her permission, so sudden and unexpected that she wants terribly to flee from the scene and put this behind her altogether. but she can’t — can’t walk away from this pretending he’s nothing more than a stranger to her — he isn’t and she’s uncertain if he ever could be one again. this attachment that has her rooted in place, frighteningly loyal, has continued to anchor her. so frozen she remains with her gaze lowered, but it shifts when her confession is echoed, lifted just enough for their eyes to meet again. and she can see the same hesitance swirling in the pulling depths of his eyes, before a kind of peculiar determination takes its place instead. mulling over his words, for she knows the significance they hold and the promise laid within, she takes her time considering the offer — if it could even be called as such. a heavy, contemplative silence stretches in the space between them across the table, until she finally finds the leap of courage to sever it. “i suppose we could be.” she begins, her heart thrumming a curious beat in her chest. it’d make her head spin too much if she dares letting her thoughts dwell upon it. “if you could stop fighting me.” she remarks, before her voice lowers. “and i’d stop fighting you.” if they could both stop finding this cursed soft spot they seem to have developed for each other. maybe they’re both morphed weapons, but perhaps they could spare the blades from each other and fight alongside instead. her voice takes on a slightly airier tone, masking part of her nervousness, though she’s beginning to wonder just how much she can hide from him — maybe she no longer wants to. “should we consider this a truce of sorts?”

“that doesn’t sound too good for business for an er, i fear. wouldn't want a queue of your fans putting themselves in jeopardy just to see you.” she jokes soon enough, hoping to match his humour and distract her from her heavier thoughts. “perhaps an outpatient clinic would be a better fit — you could be the perfect solution to the ever climbing default rate i hear them complaining about at every meeting.” this is not her trying to drive him away from her ward too soon, but she can see how his sunny personality would be the reason patients become more compliant when it comes to attending outpatient appointments. it warms her heart — his eagerness to bring a smile to her face even when she’s the one who made him ache. just as she thought when she first entered a conversation with him on that fateful night, he appears a little too good for the world, and definitely too good for hers. “can’t wait to come back to work?” she repeats, her tone disbelieving. “i believe you’ll have to send me to get my head checked if that’s the case.”

tapping with the slightest pressure possible over the cut on his lip, she tries not to think too much about how kissable he looks — such a pretty face made more for a movie screen, no wonder so many harbour a crush on him. “oh.” she’s pulled back to the present when he suggests they visit the café sometime together, blinking nervously. “um, yeah, of course.” she grins, trying not to stumble over her words before she feigns her composure with jest. “my treat. i'm the reason why you needed patching up tonight, after all."

lips tilting into a faint smirk, hana shrugs. “touché.” but if she lets him know her whereabouts, then her entire plan of separating their lives from its tangled state would be in vain, so it would be for the best if her future plans remain shrouded and unknown to anyone she knows in this life. his words make her pause, her movements of grabbing the utensils from the cabinet stilling, her fingers tightening around the cold metal. “it stopped being about that a good while ago.” she was hired for the two assassinations and everything beyond that was her choice, a deviation from the original plan that spiralled into something far more complicated. a deliberate, yet impulsive and reckless one. “you took me in when i was of no use to you anymore, sheltered me when you could’ve just left me to die. that counts for something.” an act of kindness she couldn’t comprehend, a gesture that defied her understanding of the world, but accepted selfishly nonetheless, clinging to it as a lifeline. to be loyal to someone would mean an attachment would have to form, and the concept is so foreign to her that it feels alien, a territory she's ill-equipped to navigate. her eyes meet his in a moment of rare honesty, a fleeting glimpse behind the walls she's carefully constructed, an honesty so raw that it feels vulnerable, like she’s stripped bare but it’s worse than being physically naked, her defenses shattered. so she’s grateful when he hands her the plate, her fingers lightly brushing against his, giving her the perfect excuse to turn around and set the table, the mundane task a welcome distraction from her unsettling, newfound emotions.

it stopped being about that a good while ago. and what is minki supposed to do with that confession? one that had already been implicit, a truth that lingered between them that neither had been willing to acknowledge. now it had been vocalized and it could no longer be ignored. hana admitting that she lingered out of her own volition rather than being monetarily motivated to do so is not something that minki had anticipated. this enigma of a woman continues to surprise him. and it's dangerous, this thread between them that had been invisible before this moment. minki remains silent, letting the words linger in the air between them, tension turning thick and suffocating. minki is a man that had crawled his way out of the gutter that he had been born into. he has never been one who reacted well to being boxed into a corner. hana had not intended to corner him, yet he feels similarly all the same, a tightness blooming in his chest that constricts as their hands graze, the touch electric. as it has always been between them. the physical, once they had crossed that line, had never been the issue. this intimacy, this affection, however, is a song and dance that minki is not well-versed in. hana isn't either. that much he does know. they are both sharp blades. what do they know of gentleness? the language is a foreign one to them, and he watches her back as she goes through the motion of setting the table. something is so domestic about the scene. that doesn't make minki feel any better as he moves toward the table to sit. "so what is it about now then?" he dares to ask, meeting her gaze. he has never been a coward. "do you stay because of gratitude that i did offer you shelter? if that is the case, you have paid your debts." considering she has been tending to him as he healed. "i will not...turn you away, if you wish to stay. but that has to be a choice that you make freely."

her stomach twists as he sits opposite to her, asking a question that she has been trying to dodge for months. but they are not the kind to admit their attachment aloud, not the type to wear their hearts on their sleeves and willingly surrender themselves to a weakness. and caring about somebody — needing them — is a deadly weakness in the cutthroat world they live in. it would be easier for her pride to go along with his rhetoric, that this is merely her repaying her debts to him, but it has grown far more complicated than that. for someone who usually faces life and its turmoil with a brave face and sharp blades mastered for killing, she wants too much to run from this, from those inquisitive eyes demanding an answer she’s too afraid to give. but she doesn’t, instead she holds his gaze, her own softening into something more human. “because when i was waiting for you to wake up from that hospital bed, all i could think about was how scared i was of losing you.” a pause. “and i’m not scared of anything.” finally, her gaze falters, falling somewhere between his chest and the plate on the dining table. “this could be a liability — for both of us.” her hands under the table subconsciously reach for her knees, as if it can help anchor her better. maybe it already is — maybe she is a liability to him as much as he has become one for her — yet the idea of leaving him for the wolves isn’t one that entices her. how worrisome for a woman who usually makes decisions based on cold hearted, selfish decisions alone.

“a little? somehow i find that hard to believe.” yuna repeats with a soft chuckle, her hands gently placed on the sides of his face, the stubble tickling her palms. “i guess being haunted by a handsome ghost isn’t the worst thing in the world.” she can feel his fingers on her back, the lingering touch making her skin tingle. she has no business receiving so much affection from him, not as yuna, the cunning con artist, or lana, the socialite supposedly trapped in a failing marriage. but every time she tells herself to keep her distance, he has a way to make it harder to do so, and that’s terrifying for someone who’s never meant to stay. “if i wanted to slack, i could do it at home.” she counters, but there’s no harshness in her voice. “funny that you’re telling me not to work so hard when you’re considering working harder for my sake, hm?” she hums, her fingers gently tracing over his chest, the warmth radiating off him a little too comforting to let go of. being taken care of is a foreign idea to her, but she has to remind herself again that it’s lana that he’s in love with, a fictional character that doesn’t exist but one that she plays too well.

"You wouldn't be seeing my handsome face if you stayed home." He teased back, his fingers never stopped brushing against her skin, enjoying a little too much how warm it felt against his fingertips. Perhaps He laughs to her words, because he can sense the challenge in them, but who could blame him for being raised like that? Although he knew Lana didn't want to feel trapped anymore, not while she still was struggling to leave her troubled marriage, and now the man he had been seeing behind her husband's back wanted to keep her all to himself too. But he wanted to be selfish, he had fallen hard and deep for her, even when they had both said this was nothing more than just sex but it quickly evolved into more than just that. "I don't really work hard enough, if I'm honest." His tone is playful, like it's meant to sound like a joke. "So you won't have to worry about me." A man could dream, he thought, that she would leave her husband for him and things would settle for them.

“you’re saying it as if i don’t already spend too much time here.” yuna hums, her fingers brushing gently against the side of his face. it is true for lana who supposedly has other responsibilities than sneaking around, and just as true for yuna who has no business forming connections that feel so real. but this is a doomed tale, one that feels too good to be true and it is. by staying, she is only making the inevitable end more painful for both of them. “oh, really?” she echoes with a teasing lilt to her voice, lips twisted into a smirk. “guess i should be greedier to motivate you better?” she remarks playfully, lifting her head up slightly just to press a soft kiss to the nape of his neck. “i’m very expensive to keep.” in many more ways than one. if only he knows the dear costs he’ll have to pay by associating himself with someone like her. he’s tethering on a dangerous line without even knowing — she could suck him try if she wanted, shatter his heart into pieces before he can even register what’s happening. 

it shouldn’t, but it surprises her to a certain degree when he decisively gets into the car with her, the scent of his cologne filling the small space. but there’s no room to think, no time for hesitation and soon she’s starting the car, the engine roaring as she drives out of the venue and disappears onto the road, her gaze focused on the front and shooting glances at the rearview mirror to make sure the men that are following her are out of sight. adrenaline courses through her veins as she weaves through the city streets, the headlights of the pursuing cars like predatory eyes in the night. she takes sharp turns, narrowly avoiding collisions, the tires screeching against the asphalt as she pushes the car to its limit. it’s only when after she made sure that she’s lost them that she lets herself breathe at an easier pace, her shoulders losing some of the tension. “you’re crazy for doing this, you know.” she comments, lips twisting into an amused smile as she presses down on the accelerator as they hit the highway. she’s not sure if it’s the best decision he can make, but it’s not as though she held him at gunpoint to follow her. it’s his choice to make and his consequences to bear. “it’s yuna, by the way.” a little too late, maybe, but she reckons it’s better late than never.

Perhaps he should be asking more questions, knowing what's he gotten himself into, trying to find out who really is the woman that's driving them away, but he is too heart driven for his own good. His judgment is clouded by his refusal to let go of her. He doesn't want to have to go through it all now that he's found her, he cannot stand the thought of losing her again, so instead he is here, inside a probably stolen car with a woman who he once thought he knew everything about but turns out he doesn't know her at all. "I believe I've done things far worse than this." It wasn't a lie, not completely at least, Sebastian's job stayed in a grey area within legality, some would judge him harsher than others, but as far as he knew no one was getting hurt, he was just making sure things looked squeaky clean for his boss, but this? This definitely felt like stepping into more dangerous territory. When he says the name it takes him a moment to realize what she means, she's finally revealing her true to name to him, after all this time. "I guess it's good to meet you Yuna." His voice sounds hurt, he cannot hide it, not from her. "Did you ever think of telling me the truth?" He can't help but ask her.

“what a relief.” yuna remarks playfully, eyes still focused on the road to make sure their escape is running smoothly. she’d ask him about the worst thing he’s done, but only refrains because she wouldn’t want the answer returned to her. there are a myriad of secrets she’s keeping from him, none of which she feels too eager to share. that’s the nature of a career criminal, the instinct to make as little known as possible because there’s no one you can trust fully, not even the person you lie next to every night. the bitterness in his voice isn’t missed by her and he has every right to feel every fraction of complicated emotions that must be seizing him whole. his question lingers in the air, bringing a heaviness to the air. seconds after, she finally severs the silence. “have you ever told me the full truth, seb?” she retorts instead, though her voice isn’t cruel but levelled. “maybe you kept things from me to keep me safe — maybe i wanted to do the same for you too.” that, and her ever persistent desire to remain unknown and unattached to anyone, but she’s clearly failed at that. or else he wouldn’t be in the same car as her, but left alone to the wolves instead. or else he wouldn’t be here in the car with her, but left alone to the wolves to bear the weight of her crimes instead.