bruh

This was my actual favorite part of working in a theater. People would come in and use a string of words no human had ever uttered and I’d have to be like “ohhhhkay let’s parse this out.”

Don’t… Don’t movie theaters have…the names of the movies… Right… There?

Ah, see, the problem here is that you’re making the common mistake of assuming people bother to read anything. At all. At any given point. When in the presence of customer service worker.

Top ten glands in your body to produce venom with

for sure the balls

Your conjecture is baseless. Let’s see what the science says.

It said balls

The worlds most popular woodcock.

The meme version of Edward Cullen as a man who is obsessed with snails and moss is infinitely more interesting than the version of him in the actual twilight books.

If Edward Cullen was a man who was obsessed with the small intricacies of the forests of Washington state and enjoyed foraging and taking pictures of snails he would actually be the most unique and interesting vampire character in modern literature but instead he’s an overprotective bitch whose main personality trait is that he hates himself.

Bella would also be way more interesting if she was watching this guy swerve the car over to the side of the road to take a picture of some cool moss and chewing on poisonous herbs like gum because his vampirism makes him immune and going “oh I can’t not fuck him”

Where can I see that? Or is it just you hallucinating Edward's?

*lights a cigar with a match and leans back in my plush leather chair, looking out through the blinds at the city. my fuckin city.*

is that a fucking burger king crown

please dont cuss this is a church service

train

train

train

your house is fucked up

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé

"my fave did nothing wrong" oh yeah well MY fave fucked everything up and she's still my fave so