parahelion

years & years of being told "righty tighty lefty loosey" have been erased by overhearing a kindergartner tell her friend "twisty tighty lefty righty" while they were trying to open a water bottle. any time i try to remember which way to turn now thats all i can think of

I went to the penis doctor and he said you were his favorite patient on account of all your rare and fascinating penis problems

@chirasul

I went to the penis doctor and he said you were his favorite patient on account of all your rare and fascinating penis problems

girl you've been running through my mind all day

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.

in my most recent game of team defense fort 2 i was banned from a 24/7 hightower pony rp server for screaming ‘incoming gamer!’ into my mic every time i respawned or charged as demoman. and i have to say, nothing really prepares you for the sensation of hearing a grown man say with no hint of irony in his voice, ‘mr sex goblin, if you dont stop saying that im banning you from ponyville forever’

Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

Ill be a star

what is important to understand is that chell is not a woman in STEM. she is a woman trying desperately to get out of STEM

Oh you know he said roo roo roo roo

Toothpaste. It's just frozen toothpaste.

Sometimes I think The X-Files is such a timeless and relevant show I forget it takes place in the 90s, and then I see a scene where Scully buys a whole bag of groceries for $11.14 and pays with a check

Everyone has normal, non-veneer teeth. It's wild.

every so often this starts circulating again and every time i remember that people tried to come for me for “spreading medical misinformation” with this post