hm.

listening to music will have you come up with groundbreaking thoughts such as i love music. be careful out there

The chemical they put on ants and all the other ants think they're dead that's what happened to tumblr except the chemical is unmarketability

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

In this world it’s get killed or be killed

What’s doing the killing

The Killer

It’s insane how many organs will just Make Rocks if left up to their own devices. Kidneys. Gall bladder. Pancreas. Tonsils, what’s that about???

HAPPY BIG TWENTY NEIL

HAPPY BIG TWENTY NEIL!!!

"that time of the month" "monthly visitor" "feminine hygiene products" GRRAH!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP!!! PERIOD!! MENSTRUATION!!!! TAMPONS!!! PADS!! MENOPAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!

VAGINA!!!!

kids these days don't know what it felt like to be bisexual and wear a stupid as fuck hawaiian shirt in 2017

Ut

Not what it says.

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

I hate ruminating on what could have been. Out here thinking "if only I locked in when I was 13" are we serious

my mom was very attentive to the media we consumed as kids. she listened to me infodump about naruto and sonic etc. while i was forming memories that would inevitably be lost to the haze of my youth, she was taking it all in and now i'll be 30 years old and say something and my mom will be like, "this is just like that thing Eggman said once...what was it....." and she'll quote sonic adventure 2 & I'm like WHAT are you FUCKINGGGGG TALKING about right now!!!!!!!!

trash pickup at my mom's house has always been wednesday morning so when i still lived there we had to get all the trash out on tuesday night & once in like 2011 my mom heard us say "it's tuesday you fat nasty trash" so to this day when i'm visiting and we have to get the trash out my mom still calls it "fat nasty trash night." this woman has been quoting sweet bro and hella jeff for 13 years.

i think if your account has existed on this site for a certain number of years you should be grandfathered into ad free browsing. a decade seems reasonable like if you signed up in 2012 or prior you have tenure

Were you a victim of the Mishapocalypse? You might be entitled to compensation

I have a disease called I can’t reply to your text. I love you