It is a matter of fact that there are problems non-binary people face that binary people generally do not. One of these problems is that being non-binary is alienating-- not lonely, alienating-- in a very particular gendered way. If you live in a society where literally fucking everything is gendered male or female, this will include all social relationships. For most people, social relationships pass through the filter of "am I speaking to a man or a woman?" before anything can occur; for many people, it is the first thought they have about a person, so they can determine if someone is an ingroup member or an outgroup member. So if everyone has been trained since birth to classify everyone into the Blue Box or the Pink Box in order to decide what kind of social relationships are permissible with you, then when you reject this classification, you are either forcibly binarised, or if you keep resisting, you become a nobody. You become the outgroup for quite literally 99% of the world population. If you won't be a girl and you won't be a guy, then you can't speak girl and you can't speak guy. You're nobody's sibling at heart, because you're nobody's sister and nobody's brother. You're nobody's lover, because you're nobody's boyfriend and nobody's girlfriend. You're not in the social landscape. Nothing is intended for you; you are hardly real at all. So you're not one of us. You're 'them'. See: Harris is for they/them; Trump is for you.
The only way we will fix this alienation is a) by acknowledging non-binary people exist, that our identities are serious, and that our issues need to be addressed; then b) by consciously devoting effort into making room for non-binary people, allowing us to define what we are the way we want (this means not inventing a third gender role). And this means we have to start degendering the world around us, and, yes, telling binary people that they have to consider we exist. This is too much for some people. Transphobic cis people scream and pitch fits about they/them pronouns and gender-neutral restrooms and X's on driver's licenses and teenagers experimenting with gender presentation and so on. Not even trans people are immune. I've sat through a decade+ of transmeds and their goons whining about trenders and neopronouns and xenogenders and how we soil the trans community by claiming to be part of it, and transradfems and their thinkpieces about how we use our apparently vast wealth of societal privilege to inflict "binary-phobia" on passing binary gender-conforming trans women. No matter who's saying it and how, it's the same: If you're non-binary, you should allow everyone around you to binarise you at will (e.g.: "You can't ask me my pronouns! You should gender people based on looks!"). And if you insist on being viewed as non-binary, then we will not take you seriously. Your problems aren't real problems, and in fact, by asking me to include you, you're actually hurting me, because you're making me uncomfortable. You see, you're not a real person, because our social landscape doesn't include you. How dare you ask me to change my mindset to consider you.
Consider us. You can do it right now. All gendering is social; all gendering can be undone. What would it be like not to impose the gender binary on anything, on anyone? I want that world. Do you?
