So Not A Puck Bunny

my toxic trait is isolating myself in order to feel better when all i really need is a hug and someone that tells me it’s gon be alright

your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions 

your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions

do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

your man doesn’t even know what it means to carmelize onions

In 300 years someone’s gonna make a Hamilton-esque musical with Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders and teenagers on the internet are gonna stan Donald Trump like “uwu my trash son Donald being a drama queen as usual” and I’m gonna have to do it. I’m gonna have to come back from the dead and destroy the planet.

No Excuses

when i was in grade 5 some kid told me the song “wake me up when september ends” was about 9/11 and i believed him until like three years ago

i cried so hard when we watched the lion king in first grade that my teacher called my parents and sent me home early

in high school i was questioned by the principal over drug use because i accidentally left my notebook in the bathroom and a teacher opened it to a drawing of an anime character saying “all i want for christmas is weed” but really i was a repressed nerd and never smoked a weed in my life

i made a joke about anal fissures in front of my extremely religious roommate and i thought she was gonna yell at me but instead she asked what an anal fissure was

i thought hatsune miku was a real person 

“again, weird, but also technically not a sin”

NASA confirmed for a bunch of fucking nerds

THIS IS ADORABLES :D

Nerdspiration

This is the funniest thing ever, everyone else go home

I am going to fucking have a stroke for the third time

read that last one as "seen" and "yeens"