ring master of the shit show

Aries: Give yourself enough space to improvise but not enough space to beat yourself up over small mistakes. Dumbass.

Taurus: Routine is how you optimize mental energy use, make sure you can focus on the things that matter, like conducting that elephant poaching sting you’ve had on your mind.

Gemini: When it comes to personalities, strong flavors require other strong flavors for balance. Get this weak shit out of here.

Cancer: While winning through pure spirit and willpower is dramatic, its unreliable. Steal some vibes from Sun Tzu, and fight only when victory is assured. 

Leo: Self-deprecation is a great way to blame yourself for a failure that was not yours. 

Virgo: Your brain requires a balanced mental diet. It is actually healthy to spend several hours lost in a cornfield staring at the sky and pondering.

Libra: Feeling frustrated? Like you’re out of control? Construct several thousand wooden statues of bears. 

Scorpio: Fair warning, some things may resemble other things that they are not. Keep an eye out.

Ophiuchus: Prepare to learn that you are immune to poison in the post erotic way possible.

Sagittarius: Desserts are half off today in the large ditch out by the river that used to be a landfill. Do with this what you will. Use it as an exercise in decision making.

Capricorn: Affordable fungal infection for the whole family.

Aquarius: Today, dear Aquarius, everything will be 150% juicier. Use this abundance of juice for good. Bounty is the measure of a good heart.

“Get out of the way”