abelds have this funky ability where they hear disabled people say they "can't" do something and instead of hearing "can't" as in, cannot, they hear "i can if i push myself and i just don't wanna". which is really interesting!
people in my notes mentioning that people don't respect the fact that they can't do certain things without heavy consequences and ableds want us to beat those consequences for their convenience. and that's true but i do mean that people who say that they can't do something need to be taken at face value that it's just not possible to do at all. i want people to respect the literal meaning of "i cant'" because it's often dangerous otherwise. like people will straight up put a disabled person into situations that are harmful or incredibly dangerous for them being they assume "can't" means "i can a little bit". and when that thing is "I can't eat [allergen]" or "i can't walk at all" and you get stuck with food contaminants or at the top of a half flight of stairs they assumed wouldn't be a problem then that can actively, seriously, literally be harmful and dangerous
I have lots of strange food allergies and people often make it their quest to exclude me from dinners and such by serving dishes made primarily with things that poison me even after knowing me and my condition for *years*. Just last week, my mom contaminated an entire tray of veggies by placing her pineapple skewers on top so like I just didn't get to eat any bbq veggie skewers because 80% were soaked in allergen juice.... And she knows! She was the first person to make a list of my allergens to give to teachers and shit!
About a decade ago, I worked in a daycare/Montessori school that has an explictily stated nut-free policy specifically to protect medically vulnerable children from peanut and tree nut exposure. One vegan mother insisted that her child be served dairy free milk. Okay. Fine. Bring in some oat milk, right? Wrong! What does she provide? An almond/coconut/walnut blend that then is splashed around the kitchen and refrigerator of an explicitly stated nut-free facility, which your tree nut allergy-having narrator discovered by getting stinging, burning welts up her right side while trying to repair a fridge. And *I* got in trouble for pitching that allergen in the dumpster. My boss threatened to fire me over enforcing the no nut policy. The mother chewed me out for "wasting [her] money" too!
When I say people are ableist by default, I mean it in every way you can conceive and worse.
