we’re here because

mozzarella and parmesan is kind of like the age gap yuri of cheese

the other day i was telling my partner about my new coworkers and the spirit moved me to start inserting characters from Piano Man

i did it for a bit before he noticed. Paul, the single real estate novelist, and John, who got me a drink for free, went by undetected, but there really is no easy way to sneak in Davey, who's still in the navy and probably will be for life

he got really exasperated and went "hang on, NO. i KNOW Davey."

im going to fix my entire life

When?

Like Um. later

not just mutuals but someone i’d eat a sandwich in the park with

clowngirl getting an orchiectomy and the surgeon just keeps removing ball after ball after ball after ball after

clown nurse standing by solemnly adding each successive ball to the ones she's already juggling

NOW IS HER TIME!!!!!!! where is SHE????

every time i sit down 2 watch a horror movie i think of that one tweet :/