creaming and scrying

my main theory for why the vast majority of the social plans i ever make get cancelled by the other person (almost always the day of, and within a couple hours of the expected time) is: it's actually me who's uniquely so lacking in a social or family circle/life that any given plan actually matters to me, and everyone else has enough people that they know and spend time with and care about that, whether they're specifically prioritizing one of those people's needs in cancelling with me or otherwise, one plan disappearing just isn't that big of a deal. it's not that they never wanted to do it or never cared about it, but their social needs in general are just so easy to fulfill that it doesn't even occur to them that i could possibly care that much. because they don't know how genuinely little i ever do anything social even when i want to and how few people i interact with on a daily basis outside of work and how much i actually fucking NEED it, like literally for my mental health. i don't even need nearly as much as other people but i need SOMETHING and i am straight up not getting ANYTHING. and unless i outright tell people that, which i really can't because when you say that you don't have friends people tend to assume it's your fault and it only makes them want to hang out with you less, they can't possibly know because it just genuinely doesn't ever occur to them that there ARE people like me who are apparently normal/cool but also functioning at a severe deficit of interpersonal connection. and what's crazy about this is that it doesn't make me feel bad about myself at all, it just pisses me the fuck off and makes me even less able to connect with others because it's a further thing that makes me unable to relate to others.