§ Strictly Catatonic §

*becomes a knight strictly because the local bard is cute, and I want him to write songs about me*

*becomes a bard strictly because the local knight is cute and I want to write songs about him*

*becomes the village idiot because of a chemical deposit in the well behind my house*

Can someone please translate this I feel like it’s important

“look: i’m a sphinx”

Best example of the right thing to do when you have more money than it’s possible to spend and are an actual decent human being.

the best part of this is that it implies this is the SIXTH cat named glycolysis

I CAN STOP LAUGHING!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YALL I AM FR IN T E AR S

I haven’t laughed this hard at an internet video in years.

did they kill the bottom or sumn

They excluded him bc he stans Donald Trump

Good for them

If you have Edison lights you automatically get the guillotine.

this place has a burger that’s topped with like 3 other kinds of meat and tastes like nothing but liquid smoke

guacamole is offered for $1.75

they have a sign up telling you no Wi-Fi talk to each other but they also want you to follow them on Instagram

they have a $17 burger that has “deconstructed” in its description.

All of the beverages are served in mason jars and the only straws they provide, on request, are dry pasta

Menus printed on brown paper that’s meant to look low-fi but actually costs $40 a ream

Your waiter has a man-bun and hotpants on and recommends you the low fat, low calzhigh soy veggie burger for $19.89. Fries aren’t served.

The microbrew menu is 300 pages thick and none of them are good

those ridiculously uncomfortable benches are always placed on a floor designed to make the most noise when you try to leave.

They don’t have a brand name soda fountain but instead carry sodas and colas made from roots and cane sugar. Their AC keeps the restaurant at a comfortable 55 degrees on a 70 degree day while the cardstock menu proudly boasts that they’re made from 100% recycled paper. Extra toppings can cost up to $5 depending on what you get.

The food you order to go comes in a brown paper bag

Restaurant tables are made of recycled wood. The aesthetic of the building is black, silver, brown, and red. Food eaten in is served in loose, small wax paper bags instead of plates. Prices on the menu do not show currency iconography beside them.

Who hurt you people

The Bay Area and SoCal