Gee Willikers!

as a child i assumed that martha’s vineyard was a fancy private vineyard owned by martha stewart and the reason rich people vacationed there was because they were friends with martha

Hate it when someone I know gets poisoned and suddenly it's their whole personality

They get highkey obsessed with antidotes

Draw him alive and well. Ok now draw him playing sudoku

Now draw him struggling at sudoku in a manner that is no longer endearing and is now embarassing

the problem with employment is it gives you money to purchase video games but it takes away your time to play video games. Mao spoke of this

"WHY ARE YOU SHIPPING A VAMPIRE WITH THEIR VICTIM 🤮🤮" is. is that not the point of vampires.

you are not immune to inventing an arbitrary set of rules that only you have to adhere to

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

these exercises are sooo monotonous like i keep walking down the same hallway over and over 🙄

who was that.

the fucking fetus in the sink won't accept my insurance

your 20s are about elves, your 30s are about continued meditations on the elf

once you hit your 40s it's time to find an elf

Fuck I hate elves god damm it

you've got 2 years left of that but then you have to make some changes

Sober as fuck at the back of the club going onto Wikipedia and typing "List of birds"