Snow Quilava

Concept: a bunch of high school Satanists get drunk in the local graveyard and try to conjure a demon, but they’re using one of those “reconstructionist” ritual books that gets its sources all mixed up, so they end up with a minor Mithraic fertility spirit that hasn’t spoken with humans in like 1700 years instead. By the terms of its binding it’s not allowed to leave until it’s ensured a successful harvest for its summoners, which is a problem, because none of these goobers have ever raised so much as a houseplant; if it wants to go home, it’s going to have to teach them how to garden - whether they want to learn or not!

“Five high school sophomores were arrested today on charges of operating an illegal pot growing business behind the Home Depot on I-95. The 200-foot-tall plants, which police could see from their station…”

Hi my name’s Gregory, Greg for short, Grego for medium

fashionably late? more like anxiously early

I will get to class 20 mins early and still be anxious

Because no one else is there yet & is this the right place?? are you here the wrong day??

million dollar idea: instead of spending thousands of dollars on steady-cam equipment, filmmakers should just attach a camera to the head of a chicken and carry the chicken around as you film.

cannot. stop. laughing.

Nature’s steady cam, once again one step ahead of us.

Consider: Found Footage Horror but it’s all filmed by Chicken Cams

Now I want to get married just so I can do this.

If I were a billionaire I would absolutely tell my secretary to send wedding gifts to anyone who sent me an invite regardless of if I knew them, because- A. I know how expensive that nonsense is. B. I would be a billionaire and when else am I gonna do with that much money? Honestly… and C. I would totally make showing up at random weddings with crazy awesome gifts my new stress relief hobby. “Congratulations random strangers! I admire your daring and stratigic planning. Here’s that 700$ tea set you wanted but assumed no one would ever buy.”

You can’t just say 17 years like that what the fuck mate

oh god no it came out in october 2000 

a couple of people have expressed concern about tubby breaking her dishes, so i just want to note that sometimes when the cups are misaligned in their tray they wobble a little and make a tiny clinking sound. when this happens instead of eating directly out of her dish, tubby will use her paw to bring the food to her mouth in order to prevent any unseemly noises.

Your cat is a very prim cat.

not to be dramatic but I’d die for tubby

I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™

This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.

Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!

*throws out my notes for bit about having ADHD*

damn bitch get it together