esp with acne and top surgery but also I am not charming or particularly funny or anything, and failing to factor in that I am a gender freak which is unappealing to most. just this leftover confidence from learning to style myself as a hot girl in my late teens that never left me. anyway it's still there lol and contributes to this fantasy I have about suddenly finding love if I just didn't have to care about covid anymore, or in an alternate reality where I am healthy and lived in america I could reasonably date some straight guy my age who I have a parasocial crush on even though my body is all masculinised my attractiveness would overcome this somehow as a nb baddie. even though I have no rizz. but we would connect bc he just like me fr. lmao. some kind of unrealised hotness potential. anyway I have been indulging in this kind of thinking a bit which is kind of uncommon for me but fun. hashtag MyDelusions