98% Anxiety 2% Milk

i wake up and go over to my board that says "days since the number on the board was changed" and i erase the 0 and write a 1 and then i erase the 1 and write another 0

still being active on tumblr is camp

this post is gonna blow up even more when op deactivates

i'll outlive everything you love

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

reblog if you're also lame and weird.

the thing is they really do let you hit because you're goofy.

i say shit like "whuh oh!" and it makes girls want to kiss me under moonlight for some reason

funniest sound in the world is a cat smacking shit hard as fuck with their little stupid paw

i love poison omelette

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got some kick to it i tell you what

fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me. fool me three times this has gotta be a sex thing for at least one of us

I’m at my friend’s apartment in dublin. she’s been trapped in her bathroom for like an hour and maintenance just showed up with KITCHEN UTENSILS??? 😭😭😭😭💀💀💀💀

he’s giving me attitude for asking for a locksmith. i was going to be polite for as long as we needed him as an ally but he’s run his use.

just realized he’s wearing a single latex glove. for why

like i know sometimes the most unassuming tools do the job but i cannot stress enough that he simply tried to pry open a metal fire door with it. he didn’t try to employ it on the lock in any way. the slotted spoon told me immediately this was not our man. pack it up chef boyardee

So what was it like having the fire department axe open the door

no piece of supernatural commentary will ever be as impactful as ‘what happened to all the pussy on supernatural’

plutonic lesbian friends (that do nothing for me)

its kind of fun to uninstall programs you arent using to free up space and see them all beg for their lives

The person who tweeted “y’all can’t even boycott Chick-fil-A” was right then and continues to be proven right now

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

Concerts will have you staring at the taller person infront of you and thinking Why were you born? Why? Why? Why?

We’re under a severe thunderstorm warning rn and my dad just opened the door to show my dog because he was begging to go out and it reminded me of that part in Dracula where Dracula opens the door to the howling wolves and Jonathan’s like um actually I’ll stay inside thanks