Smirk Mode

Rimmer: Did you miss me while I was gone? Cat: You were gone?

Rimmer: See, the problem is, Listy, you’re playing 3D chess. I’m playing 4D. Lister: I’m playing checkers. I don’t know what the fuck you’re playing.

Lister: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

Rimmer: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!? Lister: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

Rimmer: I intend to stay pissed at you forever. Rimmer: Even if I seem helpful. Lister: Then you're in luck. Lister: Because you don't.

Kryten: Why are your tongues purple? Lister: We had slushies. I had a blue one. Rimmer: I had a red one. Kryten: oh. Kryten: Kryten: OH. Cat: Cat: You drank each others' slushies?

Rimmer: I just heard Lister call the Cat a “smegging liar” because he screeched like someone was at the door and no one was there.

Rimmer: Lister is not allowed to violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays. Rimmer: No matter how many times you say please, Lister. We won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.

Cat: It’s funny how well you and Rimmer get along. Didn’t he hate you at first? Lister: Rimmer hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people.

Rimmer: What’s up? I’m back. Lister: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Rimmer: Death is a social construct.

Kryten: How do Mr Lister and Mr Rimmer usually get out of these messes? Cat: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Lister: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really really ugly. Rimmer, on the bottom bunk: Oh, smeg off!