you blue gumball son of a bitch

literally drinking a beer by the lake and still opened tumblr. some of us are beyond saving

Straight people have access to an extra celebrity called “jelly roll” that the lgbtq can’t perceive

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

im going to explode in the kiln

the shame of making a connection irl and them being like omg can i have your insta??? snapchat????? and having to be like sorry i live in a gap between two tree roots youre just going to have to normal text me like some kind of animal

notice how its littlest pet shop and not littlest pet shelter, littlest pet adoption center, littlest pet rehabilitation. really twisted.

it has always been a dream of mine to relax

it’s just not possible

whats everyones favorite cocktails. i totally adore a sex on the beach. no rum and coke okay i want your favorite gay ass colorful fruity tasting type of drink okay? okay. i trust you. i love you

Just One Guy, Just One Spider-Man… -OR Woman?!? We don’t Know; ….forsure.

being an executioner used to be an inherited job. imagine dealing with teen angst and also job shadowing your dad the town’s torturer

if i see one more concubine bring her straight eunuch to pride