skrigak

Rating: Teens and Up

Fandom: Connieverse

Relationship: bighudconnie

What to expect: lots of fluff, set in a high school, Connie is a front office lady, Big Hud is the wrestling coach and a PE teacher

Summary: She caught his eye in the mirror she was facing and winked. Oh god, she winked.

Big Hud pretended to faint from it and delighted in her giggle as he lay on the ground. “Oh my poor Hudson,” she cooed, “are you alright?”

Her face appeared above him as she paused her set and peered down at him. “Nope, you killed me,” he deadpanned.

That got a real laugh out of her and he couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his face in response. “Oh no!” She gasped dramatically. “Whatever will we do? The wrestling kids will be very disappointed to hear that they’ll need a new coach.”

“Actually, you know what, I think I’ll be fine. The kids need me,” he said, getting up.

“Good,” Connie said, kissing his cheek, “because I need you, too.”

---- Or: Various moments of Connie and Big Hud's relationship in their first year as a couple, while Big Hud struggles to learn French for her.

Read on AO3! (there's some translated stuff that won't really work on tumblr)

shane hollander sleeps in matching pyjama sets in the winter. they have to be soft and well-made. the fabric blend requirements are very specific.

in the summer it’s a cotton t-shirt and shorts or flannel pants.

no matter the season, ilya sleeps in shitty tshirts and shittier boxers. picture the “master baiter” or “i got that dog in me” (maybe bear, because yk) types of shirts. the boxers are solid colours or have random stuff on them too.

the shirts perhaps became a bit with the raiders. imagine christmas but the gift exchange includes horrible graphic shirts.

Shane and Ilya are invited to a sexy Halloween party and they decided to do cow boy and his cow and they rock paper scissors to see who will get to be the cowboy and Ilya wins.

And he's all smug about it like "what Shane, are you grumpy you have to be my cow? At least you are very pretty one"

And throughout the week or so they have to plan Ilya bugs Shane trying to figure out what he's doing for his costume and Shane refuses to tell but Ilya knows that spark in Shane's eyes and knows he's planning something.

When the party comes up, last minute Shane says they should change and travel separately. That he's gonna go pregame and get ready with rose and Ilya's sad but whatever he guesses he's less likely to get distracted iykwim

So that's what they do and Ilya gets there first which is very unlike Shane. Ilya's outfit is pretty straight to the point but still sexy. Low buttoned shirt, tight jeans, rolled up sleeves, etc.

After about 10 more minutes he finally catches sight of Shane and holy shit.

Shane really went all out on the sexy part, clearly trying to get back at ilya. He's wearing the shortest shorts he could possibly get away with without it being public nudity. A cow print button down shirt that's tied up by his waist so his belly is showing. No sleeves at all and boots, and do top it all off little cow ears and a tail.

He's even got a fucking bell on and rose helped him do some cute makeup on his nose. Ilya's absolute drooling and the worst part is it's obvious Ilya isn't the only one drooling over Shane either.

Shane strides over to Ilya and holds himself with confidence. At some point he pulls out a little leash and clips it to his bell collar before promptly handing it to Ilya, looking somehow so innocent as he does all of it.

Being a professional athlete is rough, physically and mentally. Weightlifting alone doesn’t build and maintain strong muscles. Shane having a low impact physical activity to counteract the intense training and brutality he puts his body through on a daily basis is vital to his long term health. More importantly? It’s calming for him. It eases his anxiety and helps quiet his mind. Shane’s pretty sure he’d lose his shit without his morning yoga.

His morning yoga has also contributed greatly to Ilya’s “you’ve killed me, Hollander—I am dead” moments.

He and Ilya have a healthy sex life. Very healthy. Robust, one might say. One of the primary reasons for that is the extraordinary stamina they both have as well-trained professional athletes. Marathon sex for us mere mortals is a regular night for those two. Marathon sex for them would put a layperson in the hospital, IV in one arm and a social worker at the end of the bed asking if we’re safe at home.

One of the other big reasons for their impressive sex life? Shane being mind-bogglingly bendy. Flexible as fuck. Nightwing levels of limber.

Legs behind his head? No problem. One leg around Ilya’s waist, other one angled back toward the headboard? Easy peasy. Do a split on it? C’mon, at least make this a challenge; he does that on the regular. Bend over, touch his toes, take it like a pretty little—

You get the idea.

Ilya has yet to find a position too challenging. He tries his damnedest, just for the thrill of finding something that pushes Shane to his physical limits, but Shane has never been outdone. He just grins, makes a show of stretching his arms above his head as he whips his shirt off, and tells Ilya that he hopes they don’t have plans for the rest of the day/night/weekend/week. And he always, always eggs Ilya on.

“Hope you stretched first, Rozanov. I’ll wear you out.”

therefore i posit: shane hollander on letterboxd. once he and rose are besties, he comes up with a hilarious running gag, where he rates rose landry movies but specifically always leaves something like

"7/10. fantastic score. wouldve been 8/10 if there was hockey in it."

"5/10 but that's mostly because of the poor editing, i think. rose landry is the only reason this movie is as good as it is at all. mightve been 6/10 if there was hockey in it."

"9/10!!! INCREDIBLE cinematography. i loved everything about this, except that it didn't have any hockey in it (would've made it that elusive 10/10)"

rose thinks this is the funniest shit she's ever seen. mr hockey autism is aware that he's mr hockey autism and he's weaponizing it for a joke so dorky it loops back around to being hysterical to her.

she's sending him more movies to rate, not just her own but everything from obscure art house films to classic blockbusters. shane, can you tell me where they could've put a hockey scene in star wars: the empire strikes back? (yeah, duh, on hoth. the whole planet is frozen over, what better place for a hockey rink?) okay yeah that was on her. too easy. shane, where could they have put a hockey scene in inception?

eventually she sends him a terrible hallmark christmas hockey player romance to get his rating ("hey shane, this one does have hockey in it!") and he just instantly goes 😐 0/10. that's not what a slapshot is. and it only gets worse from there.

he's blowing up her phone as he's watching. "the defensive positioning during the ??? playoff game ??? scene (in DECEMBER???) is utter nonsense. why would the defenders chase the puck? they're not forwards. and the third faceoff should have been in the offensive zone faceoff circle because that's closest to where the puck was previously iced (not that that was properly called, either). additionally, the main character's wrist shot technique was straight up painful to watch--"

[45 minutes later]

"-- and that deke was so painfully choreographed i don't even want to call it a deke. why does this so-called star center never pass to his wingers from a face-off? oh my god that's NOT how slapshots work. DID THEY JUST CALL THAT WRIST SHOT A BACKHAND? NO WAY!!!! oh my god no why is she hopping the boards??? spectators can't do that just bc a player got injured, she can't--"

it never ends. he's in agony. rose. rose he can't watch this. rose he's dying. rose why did you do this to him???

and rose is like. okay shane. if it's really that bad, you could just... stop watching?

and shane, world's most competitive man, even when he really doesn't need to be, just goes No. That'd Be Letting Hallmark Win. >:(

is this the toxic yuri people are always talking about