ramblings of a lunatic

Ilya also falls in love with this blanket when he gets well-acquainted with it, but for different reasons. The polyester fibres are melted together from years of Shane’s body heat. It smells like Shane’s fabric softener and Shane’s detergent and Shane’s skin. It is so distinctly Shane in a sensible colour and a soft fabric, perhaps slightly different stitching where the original came out.

lestat is loving claudia in the only way he was ever loved. in the only way he knows a parent to love their child (appropriately). he is teaching her in the way his mother taught him.

This episode reminded me a lot of something Louis said in season one. “Are we the sum of our worst moments? Can we be forgiven if we do not forgive others ourselves?”

Sitting at the table, Lestat is confronted by both his victims and abusers. He is reminded of the opera, his turning, the witches, Claudia, and everything in his vampiric life that was a ‘failure.’ Lestat is made to relive his worst moments. He is made to ponder: “Are we the sum of our worst moments?” He is met with everyone he has killed, drank from, or harmed. Is he the sum of his worst moments?

“Can we be forgiven if we do not forgive others ourselves?” The camera switches between the table and the butcher. Can Louis forgive Armand? Perhaps more importantly, can Armand forgive Louis? Can Louis even apologize?

The scenes switch and there’s Lestat at the table. Magnus, Gabriella, Louis, Marius, Antionette. Can he forgive Magnus for his turning? Marius for Akasha and Armand? Gabriella for the abuse? Louis for the marriage and for Claudia? Can they in turn forgive him? “Can we be forgiven if we do not forgive others ourselves?”

this quote has always been so important to me, so i need to talk about it.

Is our only meaning as people the pain we bring to others? Is perhaps all that matters our wrongdoings?

one day, the pike kids get him to download it, and now he’s a beast on princess obby. several children have cried to their parents about getting bested by ilyarozanov8124 (ilyarzanov81 was taken)

Ilya does not want a child biologically related to him. He knows that dementia isn’t usually hereditary, but that isn’t a guarantee. He doesn’t want to pass his mental health stuff to a child. He knows about generational trauma, and he could hypothetically break that cycle, but what if he didn’t? What happens then?

That leaves Shane. Ilya would really love to have baby Shanes running around, but perhaps Shane isn’t so sure. Perhaps there’s a reason Shane’s parents had one child. Perhaps Shane knows how difficult it was for him growing up an undiagnosed autistic kid, and doesn’t want to make another person have to deal with that. He’s only recently started learning how to give himself what he needs. How is he supposed to teach that to a child?

And also, Shane and Ilya agree that they are enough for each other.

The Hollander Home is so full of love and adoration and happiness with just the two of them and their pets. Maybe it would be a good environment for a child, or maybe it doesn’t have to be.

This isn’t to say they wouldn’t be the most loving, adoring, borderline helicopter dads, because I am sure that is the case. Maybe in some universe, by utter happenstance, they acquire a kid. Someone’s family member, something like that. And this kid is the most loved.

i’ve been reading the online version, but the physical copy really solidifies that this is the last one for me.

here’s the review i put on fable

i love this series so dearly.

He would like to become a Hollander.

Since he first started hockey, he’s been playing with his father’s name on his back. Every time he touches the puck, that’s what he’s called. He becomes a reflection of the man who hated him the most. He’d considered, before marrying Shane, that he could take his mother’s maiden name. Now, he has better reason.

He won’t play with the name on his jersey. Them both being Centaurs would make that weird, but he could take Shane’s last name and he could keep it for himself.