All the good lizard art

stay fat and sexy, people in my phone 🫶🏻🫶🏻

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” is a trap. It means there’s a good chance the officer doesn’t actually have a good reason to ticket you, and is trying to get you to waive your 5th Amendment rights and incriminate yourself. If you make a guess, that’s a confession of guilt.

I had a cop try to claim I’d turned left on red on an unprotected light while texting and that was why I got T-boned.

I had my dad drive me through the intersection where I got hit and took photos of the (very much protected) light, then got them printed.

When the judge asked me to plead I said not guilty and that I’d like to present evidence, if I could come up to the bench. He agreed.

I walked up, set down my photos, put my flip phone on top of them, and said “Your Honor, I’ll plead guilty as soon as the officer can explain how I was texting on this.”

(Note for younger folks, this was 2010. Some flip phones and phone plans supported texting. Mine was not one of them.)

The whole ticket was a lie. I was in fact considered at fault for the wreck–if you’re turning left in Arizona you’re automatically at fault–but the ticket was dismissed because it was a protected light and I had a phone that physically could not text.

Cops lie on tickets. All the time.